Funny Status Messages

   Eating a Lunchable should be classified as an extreme sport.

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   Why is it that is always your right nut that sticks to your right leg ?

   Anaconda Malt Liquor the only malt liquor approved by the american government and when you pop the top the panties drop

   Easter Eggs are themselves when I tell them Chuk Norrris says "Hi"!

   I really like this hoity-toity hospital...they have 2 ply Toliet Paper

   How depressing is it to have a freshman start over you in college sports? I mean you worked four hard years!!!!

   Sorry - But I am already married...but thnx for the offer;)

   For a 3 hour breast exam call ...free touchy 1

   V@gina is such an ugly word for ovary cave

   work me harder, makes me better, do me faster makes me stronger.

   Nothing say's "Happy Mother's Day" like a uterus shaped pizza!

   I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. All I use it for is to signal my dealer so he doesn't drive past

   Thinking of the best status to post and nothing funny comes to mind so just pretend this is the funniest status you've read today. - Management

   I think I'm allergic to low-energy lightbulbs. Whenever I switch one on, I can barely fecking see for twenty minutes.

   I want to be the reason you scream, even of it's because I turned off the WiFi

   Songle ply toilet paper versus hairy ass. Twenty minutes of my life spent full of fail.

   "Who can I blame for my problems? Give me a minute, I'll find someone" - finger pointers and cowards alike

   It's national hot dog day! Time to come and get your weenie ladies.

   Late night 20 minute conversations with the McDonalds Drive thru guy about those who we aspire to love, the desolate restitution of our youth, and McNuggets. Because adulthood.