Funny Status Messages

   If you plan on meeting someone on facebook who has no pictures on their profile page. A word of caution. Better you should bury your face in Rosie O'Donnell's a$$ for 6 hours, than hook up with that monster.

   had a fight with Mister Booze,and now I'm wearing tattered shoes,♪♫ Don't mess with Mister Booze, You always loose with mister booze ,don't mess with Mister Booze♪♫

   Going to a strip club when your married is like going to mercedes dealership and not being able to to take one home.

   Guys who say MOB while they are still living with their moms mean, Mom Over B!tches.

   You may be an open book but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner macanations of my mind are an enigma

   I wish I had more cents, scents, or sense!

   life is a battle field and there are so many dangers, just when you think it's okay it blows up in your face..

   Am I a hypochondriac? Well, a cloud just went in front of the sun and I thought I was fainting.

   If I can't text and drive then I'll have a hard time warning my mute friends about traffic jams

   White Castle; because I like my chicken in the form of cheerio's

   "One day, I hope to travel to Botswana to gonto school and become a success sonmy children will have it easier than I did" siad no one, ever.

   If the memo sees iys shadow today it means four more years of Trump?

   Subway Meatball Sub

   "don't put all your eggs in one basket" .....good thing we use store bags

   2020 is rough but I think infound a way to get threw.im just gonna ask my mom if slapping me into next year is still on the table.

   Funny how children make accidents in darkness but accidents in the dark make children.

   Move heathen! Get out of my way! Move heathen! Get out of my way! - me driving down the highway in the morning

   Marriage tip #5: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex-girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she is not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a really good catch!

   So cold my foot long shrunk to a 6”...I didn’t go to Subway today either.

   Have you ever put butter on a Poptart, it's so frigging goooood . If you haven't put butter on a Poptart, I really think you should .