Funny Status Messages

   Maybe the Pandemic Shutdown of 2020 was organized by Keyser Soze

   Marriage tip #12: Remember to always leave a healthy amount of cups and trash laying around your house. That way your wife always has something to clean up. A busy wife is a happy wife.

   Aaron Hernandez's suicide just means 1 more Patriot wont be visiting the White House Today...

   Let’s pretend like we just went camping. When you wake up the next morning, you notice that your underwear is on backwards. Would you tell anyone about it? If your answer is no, do you want to go camping?

   I wonder if Tupac will make it to his movie premier??

   Can someone explain how Jaime fell off a horse in ankle deep water & then sank into the abyss? Thanks

   You can not take people's right away who want to take other people rights. You become as bad as them. We all have rights, even stupid people like the hate and anti hate group people.

   I wonder if Trump does all his tweeting while taking a dump on the toilet.

   Did you know that "Go hang a salami, Doc! Note; I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod. I’m a lasagna hog." is a palindrome? You do now.

   I won't be celebrating Halloween today. You know... where you dress up, pretend to be someone you're not, sing creepy songs about drinking blood, and invite a Spirit to meet you in the haunted house. Sounds too much like church to me.

   Heres how to make me cry: take a picture of two old people and write 'best friends' on it.

   I'll bet Rosa Parks could really kick ass at Musical Chairs.

   Its a man's responsibility to feed his wife because the last time the woman fed the man ........we all got chased out of the garden of Eden!

   Alternative Fact: You can't get pregnant on Spring Break. Summer is the only time you can get pregnant.

   Search YouTube for Bryan Lewis "I Think My Dog's A Dem0crat."

   My Wife Rachel like tall slim guys, and I like older & shorter women. Neither of one of us are what we thought our type was yet & still we're living happily ever after together. Our type has changed into what we see in each other.

   This economy has made me so poor, when I heard of the last supper, I thought I was running out of food stamps.

   A study has shown that if you put lard on your head every day you will grradually grow taller. Crisco does not have the same effect because it's shortening.

   Imagine you in heaven eatin' yo daily bread and the devil walks by with Popeyes.

   Why are rat traps in the car-care section of this Walmart supermarket? Plenty to catch if they set it at the front of the store..