Baddie Funny Status Messages

   The problem joining Scientology is that you just know they'll give Tom Cruise the best spaceship.

   Fellaz: Be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get pu$$y.

   There's no 'i' in 'team' but there's 7 of them in, "Everyone in this office is an idiot and I work better by myself."

   In another dimension, I'm happy and sane. Please don't tell my wife.

   You look crazy, here's my ex's number.

   When I said "We have chemistry between us" I just meant I roofied your drink

   You have 3 options: (1) Kiss me. (2) I kiss you. (3) Chloroform.

   Forrest Whitaker turned 51 today, his right eye turned 47.

   How much for the torture device? Sir, that's a wedding ring.

   I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.

   I am woman. Hear me talk. And talk. And talk. And talk.

   It's so cute when the cashier puts the receipt on the counter like it's going to stop me from finding a way to caress her hand. Nice try.

   I just masturbated without crying afterwards. Who's emotionally unstable now, SUSAN??

   Well, our relationship didn't work out the first time, maybe the 37th will be the charm. - Couples who are stupid.

   Do you guys realize how hard it is to masturbate while holding binoculars?

   Well the fat lady started to rap so we really don't know what to do

   When some girls says, "I'm sexy and I know it" it usually means, "She's slutty and she blows it."

   Ladies,there's something called "you can't get pregnant through the mouth".

   Ladies; Don't listen to a man who says he can tell your temperature with his pen*s. It's fun, but inaccurate.

   I've been watching so much p 0rn I just spit on my car trunk's lock before I put the key in.