Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 50 of 6384
If an adult has ever said “you’d make a great lawyer,” what they really meant was, that they think that you’re an “a” double dollar sign.
←Rate |
06-20-2022 03:31
Comments (0)
Take your red flags and turn them into coats, traitors.
←Rate |
06-30-2022 01:07
Comments (0)
People who don't swear haven't had the right food and sex.
←Rate |
03-21-2022 16:46
Comments (0)
Global warming won't kill us. The zombie apocalypse is a different story.
←Rate |
03-21-2022 16:52
Comments (0)
My cat taught me that you can get whatever you want, if you’re completely annoying.
←Rate |
04-24-2022 23:20
Comments (0)
What if we used to be able to make wishes, but then someone wished that we couldn’t.
←Rate |
07-07-2022 23:40
Comments (0)
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
←Rate |
07-25-2022 10:41
Comments (0)
We used to pay for ringtones, but now if your phone makes any noise, you’re 100 years old.
←Rate |
05-16-2022 05:46
Comments (0)
Native Indians: “Turn in your firearms, they will protect you.”
←Rate |
06-11-2022 01:40
Comments (0)
When battle music plays during the game, but you can’t find the enemy.
←Rate |
07-07-2022 23:39
Comments (0)
If you see me in the garage practicing my nunchaku, just keep driving. I don’t want you getting pregnant.
←Rate |
06-13-2022 02:49
Comments (0)
When I was young, I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.
←Rate |
08-04-2022 01:56
Comments (0)
When the internet collectively bullies the “Ministry of Truth” to the point it’s dissolved before even starting. I am so proud of this community.
←Rate |
05-22-2022 03:42
Comments (0)
I’m lost, better turn down the radio so I can see better.
←Rate |
05-09-2022 02:29
Comments (0)
He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything, that clearly points to a career in public office.
←Rate |
07-30-2022 01:57
Comments (0)
It took you 15 minutes to get home, google maps says it takes 12. Who is she?
←Rate |
04-30-2022 15:40
Comments (0)
The British are coming, put up your gun free zone signs and run to the safe spaces.
←Rate |
07-06-2022 00:19
Comments (0)
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
←Rate |
07-26-2022 00:16
Comments (0)
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
←Rate |
07-31-2022 23:53
Comments (0)
Look son, rioters, arsonists and looters are here to teach us about peace and equality.
←Rate |
05-24-2022 22:54
Comments (0)