Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Romney spent $800m to not be president. I spent nothing for the same result. Who's the better business man now?

   Midgets that go missing get their faces put on the backs of condensed milk.

   LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.

   Women get really mad if you put your d*ck in their mouth when they're applying mascara.

   I wish I had the confidence in real life that ugly people have on Facebook.

   In a group picture, there is always the retard that does the peace sign.

   Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.

   Who called it Scientology and not Cruise control?

   If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.

   I learned how to kiss from watching my dog drink from the garden hose.

   A couple of my neighbors still occassionally say Hello to me. Apparently I'm doing something wrong

   My wife wants to speak with you. You're in deep sh*t.

   I don't want to sound like an alarmist, but I just saw Karma buying a 15 inch strap-on.

   Whenever I silently fart, around my girlfriend, I say "Do you smell blueberry muffins?" so that she takes a few big whiffs and passes out.

   Tried quitting my job today. But they just laughed and threw me back in my cell.

   BEER RULE 101: A beer in the hand is better than two in the fridge.

   Not to brag, but I can cure a woman of having feelings for me in five minutes flat.

   Bruno Mars has the voice of an angel and the lyrics of a 13 year old girl.

   Ladies stop worrying about the quickest way to a mans heart and just give him a blow job already.

   I'm white, but I'm not "have babies on purpose" white.