Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 34 of 6383
Really miss the days when the biggest scandal was that Trump drank water with two hands and ate chicken with a fork.
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05-22-2022 03:44
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Apocalypse Scenario #253: Everyone just sort of gives up one day.
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06-18-2022 00:56
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Not now, Sweetie. Mommy’s busy cyberbullying the mayor. 😁
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01-24-2023 00:21
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They’re raising your taxes because they gave all your money away.
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04-18-2022 21:47
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Bezos: Heard you’re buying Twitter. Musk: Amazon is next. Bezos: Bruh… Musk: (add to cart)
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04-22-2022 00:14
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If your child makes fun of you for not being able to find the flashlight on your phone, just remind them of when you taught them everything.
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04-22-2022 23:21
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Activate Flying Monkeys!
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01-18-2023 03:43
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If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also walk like Frankenstein and do a backflip into a volcano.
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08-08-2024 01:50
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Me: Showing up every day with fresh excerpts from exotic lands to entertain the masses.
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06-19-2022 02:37
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Biden aides find second batch of classified documents at new location, my goodness.
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01-12-2023 01:25
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If I throw a bouncy ball, will you run away?
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07-07-2022 00:59
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When someone asks for directions: You basically go straight that way for a while until you f*ck all the way off.
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06-18-2022 00:57
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The App is called Tic Toc; because every video you watch is a reminder of why humanity is running out of time.
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04-01-2022 02:20
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Nothing makes me feel older than when a restaurant makes me scan a QR code to look at their menu.
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05-26-2022 06:07
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If you don’t finish with a wet spot on your tummy, are your dishes even clean?
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04-29-2022 00:47
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My body just asked for water and I gave it a mini donut because nobody tells me what to do.
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07-03-2022 11:23
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Not my proudest fap, but here we are. 😏
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01-24-2023 00:22
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Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
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05-21-2022 03:35
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By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
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08-15-2022 15:05
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When there are no police, most crimes will carry the death penalty.
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07-03-2022 11:20
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