Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 27 of 6374
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Have you ever been so mad that you were calm?
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05-12-2022 01:35
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The same people who are candy to our eyes can be poison to our hearts. Study their ingredients before feeding them to your soul.
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05-12-2022 01:37
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I’ve spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house, but they still get in.
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05-18-2022 00:43
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T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It's because of the small arms.
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05-24-2022 05:04
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Raising a teenager is like having a cat that only comes out to eat and hisses at you whenever you try to be nice to it.
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05-31-2022 00:04
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I’m putting a snowblower in the back of my truck and drive south until someone says, “what the heck is that?” And that, is where I’ll live.
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01-11-2023 00:49
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If one person is tailgating you, they are the problem. If everyone is tailgating you, you are the problem.
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01-11-2023 00:52
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To the people who react to my posts daily, may your life be full of puppy kisses and kitten snuggles.
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06-24-2022 23:13
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I dropped my phone in a McDonalds sprite and that mf started charging.
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04-29-2022 00:50
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Have you ever rubbed your eyes so hard that you enter in, to some other dimension of swirls and patterns?
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05-12-2022 01:37
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Me: trying to be polite. Mmm… this tastes like something I only want to eat once.
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05-30-2022 00:03
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People who get offended when I breastfeed in public need to calm down. What I’m doing is natural and it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.
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06-19-2022 02:40
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The happiest person in the world is probably not on social media.
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06-24-2022 23:14
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The two e’s in bee might actually be silent.
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07-23-2022 23:29
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An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
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01-11-2023 00:53
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You can’t leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution.
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06-19-2022 02:37
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Calm down museum man. I think it’s obvious I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
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04-27-2022 01:14
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Babe, listen, I need you to bring me $15,000 in cash and a passport. I out pizza’d the hut and they’re after me.
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04-29-2022 00:50
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If a bag is not resealable, it contains one serving.
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04-29-2022 23:26
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The furniture in Kung Fu Movies breaks so easily because it’s made in China.
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07-18-2022 01:26
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