Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 25 of 6374
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
When your girl takes her top off, but the antidepressants have killed your sex drive. Boobies, yes, I remember.
←Rate |
05-15-2022 02:44
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Just because it’s a bad idea does not mean it won’t be a good time.
←Rate |
06-03-2022 02:54
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You’re one of them.
←Rate |
06-13-2022 02:45
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
90’s Psychopath = 2020’s Gender fluid mainstream progressive.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 16:32
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Hate it when artists get on Twitter to tell us that we’re singing the lyrics wrong. If 80 thousand of us are saying the same thing, maybe YOU’RE wrong.
←Rate |
01-11-2023 00:50
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Started investing in stocks: Chicken, Beef, Vegetable… One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
←Rate |
06-27-2022 03:03
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Sharks can outswim you, but you can outrun sharks. So, it all comes down to who’s the fastest cyclist.
←Rate |
04-28-2022 01:36
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
That mini heart attack when you can’t find spaghetti in your pocket.
←Rate |
05-07-2022 22:08
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Hangry ~ A state of anger caused by lack of food.
←Rate |
05-12-2022 01:34
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Tried to spoon a tall girl once and felt like a backpack.
←Rate |
05-19-2022 07:31
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
It’s ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
←Rate |
05-24-2022 05:05
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall. When it rang, I’d pick it up not knowing who was calling. Amazing I’m still alive.
←Rate |
05-30-2022 00:03
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Trojan is a terrible name for condoms. They’re basically named after something that penetrated the stronghold, then broke open and thousands of little guys poured out and messed up everyone’s day.
←Rate |
05-31-2022 00:05
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
My wife set parental controls on Netflix because I watched a show without her.
←Rate |
05-31-2022 00:07
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Was told that I am the cheapest man in the world, well I'm not buying it
←Rate |
06-11-2022 23:30 by Luka
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Just bought a tv stand and now I’m being targeted with tv stand ads. I only need one tv stand, I’m not a tv stand hoarder.
←Rate |
01-11-2023 00:50
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Well, well, well… if it isn’t all my “we’ll deal with it in January” chickens come home to roost.
←Rate |
01-11-2023 00:51
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Why are deliveries on a ship called cargo, but in a car, it’s called a shipment?
←Rate |
06-26-2022 00:13
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
When your friend is getting beat up by banditos, but you remember his welcome refugees post.
←Rate |
01-08-2023 02:38
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Anyone: “You’re so interesting to talk to! Our personalities fit so well together!” Me: Thanks, I made this one especially for you.
←Rate |
01-11-2023 00:47
Comments (0)