Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Drunk love is better than crazy love.

   Of all the people I don't love, I don't love you the most.

   There's a word for people like you and that word is "leave."

   Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'

   If there is one thing I can't stand when I'm drunk, its up.

   Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pri.ck

   Nothing has ever bothered me more than when a math question ended with “how many people does it take?” and your answer had a fraction.

   If some people knew what I was capable of they'd surely be nicer to me.

   I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, I couldn't snap out of it...Then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards.

   A lot of people cry when they chop onions....The trick is to not form an emotional bond

   They say that Kim Jong Un is starving his people because he's using all the money to create nuclear weapons. It's more like he's starving the people because he's eating all of the food.

   You want to gauge how dumb people are these days? No, don't look at Dept. of Education stats, SAT scores or even IQ's. Listen closely to someone ahead of you at a fast food drive thru place an order.

   interviewer: describe yourself in three words. frankenstein’s monster: a people person

   Now is the time when we need the calm and reassuring wisdom of people who studied abroad in the UK for a semester this summer.

   Kids wonder about too many things for people who haven't been high.

   I know what I am going to be for Halloween, I'm going to be drunk. . .

   Not one of my normal posts. Bit more serious. If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know, I need to borrow some chairs.

   every summer people try to work on their "summer body" ...i've been working on my winter body for years

   I'm so old I remember when people the only people who took something off your porch were called milkmen.

   I want to play Dodge Ball with random people who don't know they are playing.