Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I don't accept friend requests from people with no photos, a photo of someone playing a guitar, or photos that have more filters than Brita.

   Some people are like that annoying advert that suddenly cuts in the middle of a viral video.

   In this cold weather, it's hard to give people the finger when you're wearing mittens.

   That strange moment when you're telling a story, and people think it's a joke.

   Planting some shrubs today and they're all leaning to one side, either I was drunk when I planted them or I planted them too close to the weed.

   Did this many people have birthdays before Facebook?

   I don't understand people who update their status every 10 minutes to show their friends how exciting their life's are, which are probably not as exciting as they claim if they're staring at Facebook all the time.

   It's cute how you tell people you're broke they think you mean financially and not emotionally.

   OMG I'm so happy! I finally won one of the 350 PS4's that were being given away. I also won one of Dodge Chargers that couldn't be sold and were being given away to random people, and my Dream RV is on its way all for pushing "like" and "share".

   Always buy those nonprofit charity run tshirts from Goodwill so people will think I care about stuff.

   One time I told a rival dad that the air pressure looked low in one of his tires right in front of a group of people.

   We are on the verge of cloning people but can't figure out how to harvest pumpkins year round for pumpkin spice.

   Did you know 4.8 billion people own mobile phones whereas only 4.2 billion own a toothbrush.

   People always ask why no one immediately moves out of a haunted house but it's like UGH moving suuuuuucks.

   93% of the internet is people noticing things in the background of photos.

   Divorce: A legal document for married people to hate each other.

   I get it fireworks, people set me off too.

   Why are Gay people so sensitive? If you can take a d*ck, surely you can take a joke..

   playing marco polo with random people

   People who are, "Just sayin'" should try, "Just shutting the f**k up."