Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Ghetto people are always naming their kids after stuff they cant afford: Mercedes, Diamond, Bentley, Pearl, Light Bill, Rent, Car Insurance.

   There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.

   How many light bulbs does it take to change people...

   People rarely hate you for your weaknesses, they hate you for your strengths.

   Dear exes- please try to maintain yourself decently so that I'm not embarrassed when people ask if we dated. I will Deny You

   Instead of facebook showing you a list of people you may know maybe it show you a list of people to avoid.

   Most of the people in our generation are stupid because we had to grow up watching Elmo.

   : Have you ever been the only sober person in a roomful of drunk people? ... Me neither.

   People when referring to a celebrating a holiday say "it only comes once a year". Well, so does every other day. Like, "Hey, its November 22nd! That only comes once a year.

   Some people would not be born if alcohol was never invented.

   My grocery cart right now says, "I'm getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!" And also. "I like fruit."

   LinkedIn, a second version of Facebook but with more annoying, insecure, low intelligent, attention seeker people- children- with irksome personality types that should stay away from computers.

   When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

   The difference between St. Patrick's Day and Black History Month, is that on St. Patrick's Day....people want to pretend they are Irish....

   Come on PEOPLE!!! Romney DOES not use an Etch-A-Sketch... He "thinks" it's a computer.

   I think people should start adding carnivore to their bio, like vegetarians do. That way we're all clear on everyone's daily meal plan.

   The saddest people in the world always seem to be the nicest.

   I found out today that you could group your friends on Facebook and name the group whatever you want, however I didn't know it would send the people notificati​ons saying that I added them to the, "People I've screwed" group. Really sorry guys.

   ...... No people ... the change in governmental administrations is not a sane reason to descend into a real life "Hunger Games" in this country .... Believe it or not it has actually happened before!!

   I was so drunk last night the cops pulled somebody over on T.V and I put my beer under the couch.