Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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just looked in the mirror and saw your next boyfriend 
If you can't face the problem, then the problem must be your face.
Aw, this is nice. Today is Be An Angel Day. And they all laughed at me when I said this harp would come in handy one day. Who's laughing now, huh?! So, um, yeah, be excellent to each other today, k?
Good night this half of the world, good morning to the other half... and good sunny day people from Mercury!
Sometime In this life we get to the point when "Doing right is wrong and doing wrong is right"
if poop were people.... then I just sh#t Lou Farrigno
Kate Middleton goes to the Queen and says, ”Every time I suck William's c*ck I get acid indigestion”. The Queen replies, ”Have you tried Andrews?”
What did Curt Cobain say to Courtney Love before he died?... Holes gonna be big!
me and my husband been happy for 20 years. And then one day we met.
“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” is my favourite song about opening and closing the fridge 150 times a day
I hope when Jesus comes out of his cave, he sees his shadow so we can finally have spring.
Yo Obama! I'm really happy for you and I'ma let you finish but Bush's hanging of Saddam was the best killing of all time! OF ALL TIME!!
9/11...i thought it was on the 9th of November....i'll never get used the US date thing!
Not to brag or anything, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore, steal covers or pass gas.. and I only pee if something startles me.
got Santa in a headlock
"sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't "
wondering... does anyone really believe that Barack Obama doesn't understand exactly what the Muslim Brotherhood is?
How bad must the rest of the sperm be if the one with Downs Syndrome wins the race?
I wonder how Donald Trump would feel if some entitled billionaire playboy grabbed one of his daughters by the P word.
An intruder at the White House? Perhaps Trump should start with a garden wall before biting off more than he can chew. 