Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5695 of 6465

I use brown eggs occasionally, if I am going to egg someone's car. . .
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03-16-2016 18:41 by JAB
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There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because I pretty much just burnt down my whole house...
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03-18-2016 12:58 by SEAN
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Now picture me using proper grammar. Wronger
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06-19-2014 08:02
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I will pay anyone $100 bucks to be at my wake in a Reapers costume holding a scythe. I will have it in my will to anyone who wants that job. . .
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07-15-2014 23:46 by JAB
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So desperately in need of a mindgasm. Stimulation of the mind can be bliss but share it with someone and it becomes heaven on earth.
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07-27-2014 12:33
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it really fair to say that Joan Rivers died at 81? Most of her wasn't even old enough to drink.
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09-05-2014 07:54 by Michael
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Some of you women need to stay out of my dreams, oh sorry.. I meant fantasies. . .
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09-20-2014 09:29 by JAB
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Sorry, when you said you liked rough sex I thought you meant rough as in "not good"
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09-30-2014 13:21
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and XX are now friends via the 'People You May Know Who Are a Tool' tool.
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04-22-2010 10:08 by jlevi
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
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04-22-2010 18:20 by Joser
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I'm scouring the periodic table for the element of surprise. I'm more anxious than the AZ Governor in a Cinco de Mayo parade.

lets just melt the ice... that will stop the smoke and i'll be on the plane again!!!

Egotism - usually just a case of mistaken non-entity.

A lie is just a great story somebody ruined with the truth.
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05-19-2010 07:45
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Yes I'm going old and yes I'm going bold, I know because it's taking longer and longer for me to wash my face in the morning!
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06-04-2010 04:39
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doesn't think that even Ferris Bueller could get him out of work tomorrow.. :-(
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12-23-2010 15:35
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small achievable dreams are better than impossible big illusions
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12-27-2010 14:04 by EverGreen
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Okay, this Thousands of Falling Dead Bird and 2 million Dying Fish thing isn't funny anymore Steven Spielberg!!!
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01-06-2011 13:06
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Dr Steven hawking has been quoted as say that believes totally in the big bang theory and he thinks everybody should. I was shocked, I mean sure the show is alright, but personally I don't think Kaley Cuoco is really that good a actress.
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01-09-2011 10:28
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My hooptie rollin', tailpipe draggin' Heat don't work an' my girl keeps naggin'
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01-18-2011 13:33
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