Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I use brown eggs occasionally, if I am going to egg someone's car. . .
←Rate | 03-16-2016 18:41 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because I pretty much just burnt down my whole house...
←Rate | 03-18-2016 12:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now picture me using proper grammar. Wronger
←Rate | 06-19-2014 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will pay anyone $100 bucks to be at my wake in a Reapers costume holding a scythe. I will have it in my will to anyone who wants that job. . .
←Rate | 07-15-2014 23:46 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon So desperately in need of a mindgasm. Stimulation of the mind can be bliss but share it with someone and it becomes heaven on earth.
←Rate | 07-27-2014 12:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it really fair to say that Joan Rivers died at 81? Most of her wasn't even old enough to drink.
←Rate | 09-05-2014 07:54 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of you women need to stay out of my dreams, oh sorry.. I meant fantasies. . .
←Rate | 09-20-2014 09:29 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry, when you said you liked rough sex I thought you meant rough as in "not good"
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon and XX are now friends via the 'People You May Know Who Are a Tool' tool.
←Rate | 04-22-2010 10:08 by jlevi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
←Rate | 04-22-2010 18:20 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm scouring the periodic table for the element of surprise. I'm more anxious than the AZ Governor in a Cinco de Mayo parade.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 09:30 by @TimSWeber Comments (0)  


   messageicon lets just melt the ice... that will stop the smoke and i'll be on the plane again!!!
←Rate | 05-05-2010 22:32 by @StrandedInLuxemborg Comments (0)  


   messageicon Egotism - usually just a case of mistaken non-entity.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 03:17 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lie is just a great story somebody ruined with the truth.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 07:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes I'm going old and yes I'm going bold, I know because it's taking longer and longer for me to wash my face in the morning!
←Rate | 06-04-2010 04:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't think that even Ferris Bueller could get him out of work tomorrow.. :-(
←Rate | 12-23-2010 15:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon small achievable dreams are better than impossible big illusions
←Rate | 12-27-2010 14:04 by EverGreen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Okay, this Thousands of Falling Dead Bird and 2 million Dying Fish thing isn't funny anymore Steven Spielberg!!!
←Rate | 01-06-2011 13:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dr Steven hawking has been quoted as say that believes totally in the big bang theory and he thinks everybody should. I was shocked, I mean sure the show is alright, but personally I don't think Kaley Cuoco is really that good a actress.
←Rate | 01-09-2011 10:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My hooptie rollin', tailpipe draggin' Heat don't work an' my girl keeps naggin'
←Rate | 01-18-2011 13:33 Comments (0)  




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