Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Sucks when you want someone but can't have them cuz someone else has them but if they wanted you, they wouldn't be with that someone. 
Just like all relationships, the people that I have been FB friends with the longest get on my nerves the most.
Every chair is a reclining chair if you don't understand what reclining mean.
I don't want to have any cold that I didn't even get to have sex to catch.
Single people: If you're looking for someone 10+ years younger than you don't tell us about how you want someone that "respects" you...
How to tell if a girls mad at you: 1. Shes telling you she's not mad at you.
Put your pants back on; you're my accountant not my dentist
hey look at you with your beady little eyes that are way too close together *BLOCKED*
Sears is no longer a store, it's a place to question the purpose and fate of life on earth
The main reason they thought Manti Te'o suffered a concussion, when he came to the sidelines he said he saw his girlfriend.
Look me in the lazy eye and tell me you love me. Other eye.
I wonder if Pink's carpet matches the name.
At least it wasn't PITBULL who won the RAP ALBUM award.
Can't decide what to get my lover for Valentine's. Like, do I buy it a new case, get it serviced or just constantly tell my phone I love it?
Life is waaaaaay too short to safely remove a usb...
Time is running out for me to discover the meaning of life
If she's special you have to send her a text message to ensure she made it safely to her destination this morning.
After facing backlash from customers, Subway says it will remove a chemical in its bread that’s also found in yoga mats. Some people were like, “You mean I’ve been eating a dangerous chemical?” While most people were like, “You mean I can eat my
I hate when my mom tells people I'm 391 months old.
Will there soon be an onslaught of Shirley Temple quotes like the Tupac and Marilyn Monroe quotes on facebook? I want to get in the game early and keep my edge 