Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   Leslie Neilsen died?! Surely you can't be serious?!

   will gladly brighten your atmosphere.

   .. I maybe dumb enough to listen to him, but I am smart enough not to believe him.

   # They should call the daily press briefing, the daily depress briefing.

   If your God is totally ok with nuking an entire country but not with 2 guys marrying, you might consider exchanging that God.

   Why are people talking about Trump and hurricane Harvey, when they are not blasting Obama for Katrina. Am I right?

   Why do I have to pray to G0D for help? Doesn't he know? I mean, he's G0D for G0D's sake.

   Never take acid with a squirell named... Hey squirell dude, what's your name? Phil? Never take acid with a squirell named Phil.

   Religion and guns don't kill people, humans do. Get rid of both and you have solved 75% of the problem.

   God's son died single, but he'll help you find your match on Christian Mingle.

   I Hate when people say '' Your Cool For Smoking '' , Wtf I'm Cool With Out Smoking

   What's the speed limit of sex? 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around.

   ok Ladies, time to start tenderizing the meat!

   Stabbin' it with my Steely knives, But I just. Can't. Kill. The. Beast.

   Can't believe a human being actually chooses to support Donald Trump. Leave that to animals.

   The Duck Dynasty guys better hope nobody tells PETA or the Gun Control lobby that they're gun living duck killers.

   George Bush is the only guy I know who has @#$%ed more than 300 million people at one time.

   Am I the only one that sees the irony in Obamacare rolling out and the government shut down happening on the same day??

   An old lady at my dad's grocery store was mad because the turkeys were small. She asked, "Do you think they'll get bigger right before Thanksgiving? " I said, "No mam." She goes, "Why?" I go, because they're dead."