Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My password is ***********.

   Kiss her neck… She'll rip your clothes off.

   You like to sleep? Damn me too. Let's do it some time together ;)

   hoping that "number six" is the charm. Have another Slim Jim, Mr. Cheney!

   Has a box of tissues,some lotion and a picture of you , I better get a bigger box of tissues .

   How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

   GREAT! Only 7 more days left of viewing pictures of kids dressed as beggars!

   hates it when people use the drive thru ATM for anything more than making a withdrawl.. do your damn deposits inside

   I didn't sleep that well last night, there must have been a pea under my mattress.

   free: Pmsing wife comes with big bag of Skittles,

   having a 10 second honda is kinda like coming out of the closet, some people may be surpised at first but in the end your still gay

   I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met Andy's mom's toys.. Especially since they probably have the same names ..

   •_•) <) )╯Tee / \ (•_•) \( (> gee / \ (•_•) <) )╯eye / \ (•_•) <( (> eff / \

   Last year my friend told me to have the best day ever, so I did. My life has gotten worse every day since then.

   Today, I feel sorry for the poor saps who decided to boycott the NFL, four years ago, just because of stupidity.

   Wondering if there are any cold days in Hell, and if so does Satan slam his fist and say, "okay what band just got back together?"

   Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.

   Canada: Compared to the USA, it's the North American equivalent to the kids' table at a holiday dinner.

   Trump to visit the U.K. in the next two weeks. That will only give him 14 days to learn how to speak english.

   Truth isn't truth? Okay then, I guess food isn't good as well. Stupid senile old man.