Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whenever I see someone type "ROFL", I can't help but to think of Scooby Doo trying to say "waffle".

   HOODTRANSLATIONS Sh*t just got real = The situation has escalated to the highest point of seriousness & this is no more a laughing matter.

   Some of these stupid post are more the reason why people are dumping Facebook than anything else.

   i used to be funny like you all, then I took an arrow to the knee

   I love cats! They taste just like chicken

   Bingo stands for: Bored idiots now growing old.

   My application to be a cop was denied. They said my 4 incher would initimadate the other cops.

   I hope Stanley doesn't get mad when the Bruins take his cup again.

   You Mexican people and your crazy customs, what does a sink full of mayonnaise have to do with independence?

   If they'd only let him keep his Tour de France titles, Neil Armstrong would still be with us today.

   HURRICANE Tip: Make certain to create a giant "X" with duct tape on all your windows to alert neighbors you are an idiot.....

   Jesus walked on water, but I staggered on alcohol

   Roses are red, your panties are moist. I'd take you to bed but I don't have a hoist.

   President Obama is going to let certain illegal immigrants stay in this country. But there is an age requirement. You have to be old enough to vote by November. Read more on Newsmax.com: The Best of Late Nite Jokes -- Newsmax.com Important: Do You Suppo

   Black is beautiful, tan is grand, but white is the color of the big boss man!

   The Steelers have enough Rings to become a Planet!!!

   Irony: People waving Confederate flags telling others, "get over it, you lost".

   According to a new study, millennials are waiting longer to have sex. Because, unlike my generation, they have to watch a 30-second ad first.

   If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

   The best time of day for a prostate exam is 6:30 because both hands are at the bottom.