Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Life's cruel when you think it is, life's happy when you feel it is, and life's best when you enjoy it as it is. 
you would think Mrs Brady would have got her crabs from Sam The Butcher...
I hope Casey Anthony's punishment involves cleaning the children's ball pit at McDonald's......
It doesn't matter how much you shout and yell at appliances they never listen to you!!!!
Apparently I have "Sucker" written across my forehead that only women can see...well played XX chromosome, well played indeed...
When I kiss you without uttering a single word, I am speaking to your soul.
Its Funny How Some People Worry More About What Others Think Then What They Feel . . [ </3 ]
In our city its not what you know. Its not who you know. Its what you know about who.
I told my wife that men are like a fine wine...we only get better with age. The next day ,she locked me in the wine cellar.
Support the economy, buy me a beer.
if you forget Valentine's Day and your lady gets angry just tell her you were waiting for Presidents Day to combine the two into one special evening.
i should not be allowed to send text messages to the opposite sex between the hours of 8pm and 7am fri-sun morning it only results in me making an a$$ of myself
has been considering a lobotomy... it seems like a no-brainer.
I never wear cologne to an important meeting. I bench an old fridge 10x & let my jungle pheromones show them who's boss.
After many bad reviews it's clear the Blackberry playbook is no threat to the iPad. In response Apple release the iToldYa
I learned 3 things from "Look At Me Now": Chris Brown is getting paper, Busta Rhymes has four tongues, and Lil Wayne doesn't eat sushi
BREAKING NEWS: Rep. Weiner has apologized to Paul Revere.
wants everyone to know that June is "Chafing Month"!!
Don't wast your time being the one who is always there desperately waiting and being just an option.
Trump gets criticized for wanting to boink his own daughter, but dam, I want to boink her too. 