Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   proven the myth that a bird will always crap on a freshly washed car... Now, where'd I put that bb gun?

   wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac

   Beekapoo is me the lime

   thinks it's ironic that the man that brought the Segway to life was brought to death by his invention.

   Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

   It's your world, I just live and suffer in it.

   In the cookies of life FRIENDS are the chocolate chips

   Hey New York....Hide your lady's, Brett Farve is in town and he brought his iphone.

   OCD's Anonymous meeting at my place. Anyone who feels compelled to clean up, go for it.

   In the early 90's hip-hop game, I suppose MC Hammer was wearing the trousers!

   a man with flaws, a failure at success, no superhero, neither rich nor poor. I am, however a good father and a happy person. that'll do pig. that'll do.

   hates it when he goes to take a drink and the straw goes up his nose. Not cool when tryin' to impress the ladies!

   waving his pants and shouting 'viva la revolution'

   When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish.

   Hey Boston-LOVE THAT DIRTY WATER♥

   would it be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

   Can't stand the automatic bathroom appliances... WTF... I am not done.. Thanks for the generous water ration... Btw, your paper towels are like sand paper

   recently accused of being insensitive!! And I thought, how did this fat bit*h get her wheel chair up the stairs to my house?

   Yuck. There's nothing more disgusting than cigarette butts in the urinal.. What's worse is that their so d@$% hard to light!