Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   CORRECTION: "Who are we?" "Men!" "What do we want?" "s3x!" "When do we want it?" "24/7/365!"

   If you're not spanking her ass on a regular basis, YOU SIR ARE DOING IT WRONG!

   Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?

   Surely hope insurance companies start classifying "delusional people who think the President is doing a good job" as a pre-existing condition.

   U.S.A.- If you have oil, your people need freedom and peace.

   throwing skittles at random people and saying " taste the rainbow b*tch!"

   Beer makes you smart. It made Bud Wiser.

   I googled my name, and the first thing that came up was the wikipedia definition for smatass. Google knows me sooo well.

   in west,dates were divided in two parts A.C. & B.C...in USA its now divided into three parts A.C., B.C., and 9/11

   I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again...

   She is my best freind You break her Heart I Break Your Face

   What's got 147 teeth and holds back The Incredible Hulk?.........My zip!

   drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha's against drunk dialing)

   wondering...Do you think stores would open another resister if I brought a flame thrower in with me? I f****n hate to wait!!!!

   Xmas idea. Mistletoe tied to my belt buckle. Hope this works.

   I'm deleting some friends off my facebook...you may not make the cut. You have been warned. Have a great day. :D

   once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

   Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?To buy an iPatch!

   world oldest attractive women celebrates birthday at 43

   Excited to go see saw, but then we pasted the park and went to the movie theater.