Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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It sucks to live in the shadow of your older brother or sister. Imagine if Jesus Christ had a little brother or sister. How do you live up to THAT? 
ever notice how a newborn is like a pothead..."whoa, look at my hand...it has fingers"
I like big butts, but unfortunately I do lie. So really, I dont like big butts...Or do I? You'll never know.
Math questions are so freaking stupid! Like for example “If I had 30 chocolate bars and I eat 29, what do I have?” Hmmm…. I dunno… Diabetes maybe???
So let me get this straight....a giant bunny rises from the dead, commits a bunch of sins, then we eat a pig?
Even if I had 1 wish.. I wouldnt wish for you 2 Love me, Cuz I dont want your Love to come from a wish.. But straight from your Heart ♥
Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!
Are we supposed to poop 15 or 20 times a day? Just checking to see if I'm normal....
Elmo is a gay black 52 year old child molester.... Childhood = RUINED.
Sometimes when I am filling up my car with gas, I like to take the antenna off the car challenge the person at the next pump over to a f@#king sword fight.
Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if we were all of the same race!
wondering ... Have you ever been at work, when a genital piercing has become a semi-medical emergency; only leading to having your girlfriend come and help you remove it with a dremel tool and bolt cutters? No? Me neither ...
Kevin Durant, it is time to take your backpack and go home!
How do you pronounce "cicada"? What?!? WHAT?!? I can't hear you!
Looking forward to 2014 again..... she was 20 and I was 14. Good times!
"He is risen! He is risen, indeed!" - That's what she said.
You must be the Fat Pig to be so offened
I think it's Funny how people are hating on Romo when their team's QB is sitting on the couch watching him still play.
I was going to do the Alzheimer's ice bucket challenge. But I keep forgetting.
Kiss me," she said, "kiss me like you've never kissed me before". So I stuck my tongue in her nostril. 