Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5373 of 6454

Nothing around here makes sense. If something did make sense it wouldn’t make sense because in order to make sense it can’t make sense. Am I making sense?
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02-22-2018 11:09
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I am really not surprised that there are not many women race car drivers, Women drive all over town like race car drivers anyway
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02-26-2018 04:55
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My bank has this cool feature, whenever I want, they send me a text message with my Account balance. I do however think that adding "LOL" at the end of the message is really unnecessary
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03-22-2018 05:14
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Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. For skills I possess when shaving my nuts that I could apply to other aspects of my life!
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12-26-2018 08:02 by Stevielea
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now officially talking to myself but somehow I hear busy signals in my ears. I wonder if I can get call waiting?? Wait... Maybe its better I dont answer myself.
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01-14-2019 00:49 by DocNoland
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When I was a kid we use to have wonder at times who are real friends were, but nowadays all you have to do is delate your facebook account and see who calls.
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01-23-2019 16:32
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If he say he is busy on valentines day, you're the other woman.
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02-14-2019 17:39
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I just bought a robotic vacuum cleaner that not only works great it allows me to get something productive done while looking at facebook!
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03-28-2019 08:42
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why is everyone working out? is there a war coming that I don't know about?

My goal is to accomplish something productive each and every day! Oh but wait, first I have to logout of Facebook.....
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07-03-2019 15:17
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Tom Cruise is short for tomato filled cruise ship
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08-14-2019 05:44
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Me: who’s that? Me: who’s that? Me: who’s that? Me: who’s that? Me: who’s that? Me: who’s that? Me: why are you leaving? -me, watching an Avengers movie with my family
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08-17-2019 06:49
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Toilet Duck. Because nobody wants to be hit by a toilet.
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08-27-2019 15:34
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Flat Earth is a conspiracy invented by Big Aluminum to sell more foil.
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08-27-2019 16:12
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And just like that kids at the stroke of midnight on August 31 all the girls ears wiggled and BAM Pumpkin spice everywhere!
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09-01-2019 17:43 by Barber
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I love my new phone that beeps and lights up every couple minutes to let me know it's battery needs charged before It uses up the last of its power to vibrate in a finely death quiver.
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09-09-2019 03:43
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Once a year, I put 16 spiders in my husband's mouth while he sleeps bc -Let's get this over with -He can eat mine -I really miss Fear Factor
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09-24-2019 06:35
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I've been putting a scoop of sherbet on my neighbor Leslie's car, every morning for six years. Today he shot me with an arrow.
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09-26-2019 04:54
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Bruce Willis pours a can of Red Bull onto his flower bed then drinks 8 gallons of water out of a watering can before realising his mistake
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09-26-2019 05:10
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MOM: Is your high school crush still doing fine?? ME: Hell no!! She went from elegant to elephant!!
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10-04-2019 12:32
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