Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Blackberry: after downloading your new 7.0 software, its fair to say I'm very disappointed, don't know if bbm talk can make up for this.

   Remember when we needed to look up a word, we had to go thru a dictionary, like the book form, not Google. What the fck was that all about?

   Wait...you mean "Angry Birds" is NOT the Britcom Version of "The Golden Girls"?

   Sometimes I don't know whether I want a girlfriend...or a sandwich.

   THE QUESTION ISN'T Who Won Debate? THE QUESTION IS Who Swallowed DE-BATE!

   My girlfriend wanted matching tattoos but they are permanent so I just asked her to marry me instead…

   My wife just left the room to go fart. Thirteen years together and we're still not there yet.

   ryan howard is the only other person who struck out more than I did this weekend..

   on the air, go ahead caller what is your request?

   had big dreams as a little kid... now they're HUGE!!! :)

   Life is like roller coster indeed, and i'm about to throw up..*woakh*

   New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.-James Agate

   just because he knows he's better looking than you doesn't make him arrogant, just part of the majority

   I Dont Even Tell Myself What To Do! So What Gives You The Right Too!!

   ...just heard that the "Octomom" won't rule out having another baby...well then, I think we can safely rule out her having even one more brain cell left...

   Be my Tom and I will be your Jerry.

   Stuffed animals - cute & cuddly to girls, punching bags to guys.

   An Iranian cleric is blaming earthquakes on promiscuous women. He's only partially correct. For the ground to move, she needs to be on top.

   I'll tear down the stars and I'll give them to you. They're not as pretty as your eyes, but I guess they'll have to do.

   Instead of studying for Finals I am currently putting together my audition tape for the next season of Jersey Shore...Not Glee...I have standards...