Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yowers...You know the way she keeps trying to Double Dare me...I'm think she's wants to Take the Physical Challenge

   I feel like I am retaining water today. Omg. that's it. no more lifetime movies or chick flicks....

   wondering why abbreviated is such a long word?

   here..now what are your other two wishes????

   I have a six pack which I wanna show off at the beach this summer it was too blady long in the fridge.

   Don't push me! I will be forced to engage in a combat sequence, that should only end with your demise.

   Everything in this world seems to be made for right handed people...it's so frustrating for someone like me who's underhanded.

   I'd like to kick Murphy's @ss for making any laws.

   Of all great losses in life, Time is the most irrecoverable. It can never be redeemed.

   Love me or Hate me...either way you still have a feeling for me!!

   This finger is loaded and I know how to use it.

   going to get married. So what if it is a cardboard cut-out.....don't judge me!

   The trumpeter blew it while auditioning for the symphony.

   The funny thing is, you can't tell if I'm naked...

   Justin Bieber to write memoir at 16. I hear his voice changes halfway through the audiobook when he goes thru puberty.

   The National Eczema Association are currently fundraising. They've just launched a scratch card.

   watering a fake plant

   "If you are Jordan, Wade, Garnett or Peyton, it worked. It don't work on Leroy." --- Charles Barkley

   ..is in negotations with Vancouver. They're desperate for snow and she's sick of it.

   ready for upgrades, modifications and custom made specifications. (DP)