Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do you call that useless skin around the v*gina? A woman.

   also available on Blu-ray!

   "gonna get rich, or die trying"

   I've met many believers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

   practise safe lunch, use a condiment!

   I wonder how long buffoons like Spicer and Kellyanne would last on the Apprentice?

   The best thing about dating a homeless woman is that you can drop her off anywhere.

   I miss the days when the worst thing about Trump was just his hair.

   I don't watch Faux News for the same reason I don't eat out of the toilet.

   I went to a Chinese restaurant and saw the sexiest woman I have ever saw, so I was blunt and said I wanna 69...she brought me Beef and Broccoli.

   If a white person eats a cracker, is that cannibalism?

   I read at the end of the 20th century all Blacks were offered exodus from US slavery the only requirement was a boat ride back to Africa. But we know how blacks feel about water, ergo: they stayed!

   Dear Lord, in the past year you have taken my favorite actor, my favorite actress, my favorite singer and favorite salesman. I just wanted to let you know my favorite president is Barack Obama.

   the idiot who wrote about the Porshes and Mexicans, the last time I check people in the US cant afford to buy a car

   Going into McDonald's and asking for a salad is like going into a brothel and asking for a hug

   it's ridiculous how ghetto people or illiterate people for that matter confuse Barack Obama with Baraka from Mortal Kombat II...

   Do you the only thing worse than a Patriot fan?.........Two Patriot fans!

   Remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs. Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Bucket". It consists of nothing but chicken crap.

   if it looks, walks and talks like a duck but it smells kinda fishy, it's probably a Democrat trying to keep their office...

   I'm at the World Series game and they showed Trump on the big screen. All I could hear was boos and "lock him up" chants, lol