Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Do necrophyliacs need dead batteries for their sex toys? 
The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia.
Screw the government, let's all smoke weed this weekend
...... Liberals to the Left of me .... Republicans to the right ...... Here I am ..... Stuck in the middle with you ......
LeBron James opted out of his contract but he re-signed for another 8 years of attention whoring.
Heck ... Getting into the DNC computers was easy enough for hackers .... Just think how easy it was for them to get into Hillary’s Private/Government server full of National Classified secrets and information that wasn’t even protected by a password
If you want help moving I can only assume you're not an adult. Adults hire movers.
I can't believe Rudy Giuliani forgot about 9/11 considering it's also his credit card pin.
Gonna write something about All Lives Matter but I suddenly saw Jared Fogle trending again.
Mexican: "Hey, lets make Mexico Great Again" Other Mexican: "What do you mean 'Again'? ese"
Staying focused is very challenging when there's so much porn on the Internet.
No Marijuana: Day 7 -More stamina. -Increased libido. -Decrease in mood swings. -Improved mental clarity. -I haven't slept. -3 people are dead.
The next time you think your job sucks image how the camera crew that follows around the Kardashians 24/7 must feel.
Opened a Christmas card today and rice fell out....Must have been fro Uncle Ben.
9 months from now the next baby boom will be called the CV19s and the top names will be Charmin, Angel & Scott
Aswe end week 2 of the lockdown, I wonder if OsamaBinLadin stuck in his house with 3 wives n kids decided to call in those Navy Seal himself
My armpits smell like garlic bread. Me, flirting
I want to be a pharmacist just so I can yell "Now take these suppositories and shove'em straight up your ars!"
A woman with her tongue pierced is like Microsoft. When you can’t do it right, throw more hardware at it.
As we used to say in my hometown, “Why are we all living at the base of an active volcano?” 