Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Happy MILK day...!
←Rate | 01-18-2021 09:09 by MM Comments (0)  

   messageicon Move heathen! Get out of my way! Move heathen! Get out of my way! - me driving down the highway in the morning
←Rate | 01-18-2021 06:50 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon today I'll be celebrating MLK day...I'm going to sleep in late & have a dream
←Rate | 01-18-2021 04:57 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The IRS started the post ya kids challenge so they can verify y’all dependents 🥴‼️
←Rate | 01-16-2021 17:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I parked in front of gym today & ate lunch #Babysteps
←Rate | 01-16-2021 13:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I email a girl I like with my old flip phone I always make sure to finish it off by writing "Sent by IPhone 5G Mobile Device" so she thinks I'm hip.
←Rate | 01-16-2021 11:41 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon As a kid my father used to hit me with his camera. I still get flashbacks
←Rate | 01-15-2021 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Joe and Kamala should run off to Vegas and get inaugurated without telling us.
←Rate | 01-15-2021 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How is Peter Parker selling pictures of himself dressed as Spider-Man any different from onlyfans
←Rate | 01-15-2021 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I took out $15,000 of student loans and since I graduate last May I repaid $2,000 and now I am so glad to share that I only have $15,633 left to pay
←Rate | 01-15-2021 12:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon an hour on the treadmill is not so bad if you don’t turn it on.
←Rate | 01-15-2021 12:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chicken Parmesan is just regular Parmesan that’s too afraid to ask her if she wants to dance
←Rate | 01-15-2021 12:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We might appreciate window lickers more if they had squeegees for tongues.
←Rate | 01-15-2021 12:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon why do marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what the powerpuff girls did in 11 minutes
←Rate | 01-15-2021 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My son is on guitar, my daughters are on drums and harmonica, and I’m on my second ibuprofen.
←Rate | 01-15-2021 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why buy the cow when you can get milk from almonds?
←Rate | 01-15-2021 08:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Peach Mints ? Anyone have any Peach Peach Mints ?
←Rate | 01-14-2021 21:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a hot day. Full of eggs and appealing for only a short time.
←Rate | 01-14-2021 19:42 by Meehee-Clemee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can’t believe we gave up hunting and gathering to pay rent.
←Rate | 01-14-2021 14:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never blame someone for the road you're on.. It's your own asphalt.
←Rate | 01-14-2021 07:52 Comments (0)  


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