Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon DUI CHECKPOINT At Hallway and Kitchen
←Rate | 04-09-2020 18:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If gas goes under $1.00 ima put some in the freezer.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 17:43 by Mr.M Comments (0)  

   messageicon We're coming for you Italy! We will win with Mr. Cuckoo Bananas in charge.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 16:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anyone got a spare ‘medically induced coma’ I can borrow ?
←Rate | 04-09-2020 15:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey idiot below. Google it, then apologize to me for your ignorance!
←Rate | 04-09-2020 14:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hey dude below you lost the election. quit making up lies
←Rate | 04-09-2020 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump's speech to the terminally ill: "Vote for me before you die." Wow....just wow!
←Rate | 04-09-2020 13:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Jesus really did die for my sins; it would be kind.a ungrateful if I didn't do some serious sinning now and then
←Rate | 04-09-2020 11:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oh no! I forgot to refrigerate this German sausage! Now it's totally become a spoiled brat.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 10:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Still haven't used a package of Willow brand toilet paper I scored as I just love the name Willow, thats like Wilson but softer, longer-lasting, more essential.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 09:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If dispensaries don’t offer “herb side pickup”, they are really missing out on a prime opportunity.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 09:18 by Alissa Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let's be real, most people who signed up for Facebook didn't have a social life to begin with so staying at home should be easy.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 09:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Pizza is just a real-time Pie Chart showing how much Pizza is left.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 08:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When he was told Sanders was stepping down, Joe Biden congratulated him on all that great chicken.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 07:48 by TimS. Comments (0)  

   messageicon 4 weeks into Socialism and Birnie bails out
←Rate | 04-09-2020 07:43 by ShadyBhoy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Felt something cold and wet on my arm, damn mosquito used an alcohol wipe before he bit me.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon From Our CEO To Our Valued Customers Please come back we promise to start cleaning the bathroom
←Rate | 04-09-2020 06:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For sale slightly used daily planner.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 06:41 by Starman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Brain strain is one thing he never experienced.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 06:15 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Think I'm starting to understand how Howard Hughes must have felt self isolating, except for I'm not staying in a luxury Las Vegas hotel, have billions of dollars or servants leaving things at my door, but other than that I think I understand how he felt.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 22:31 Comments (0)  


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