Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The weather is 88 and hazy .. kind of like Joe Biden
←Rate | 07-12-2020 21:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No one ever boycotted my beans! - George W. Büsh
←Rate | 07-12-2020 17:27 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ask Alexa "Do (state a color or race) lives matter?" and listen to the different responses...
←Rate | 07-12-2020 16:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who go out to to socialize can be compared to zombies, who are also not thinking.
←Rate | 07-12-2020 16:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
←Rate | 07-12-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon I support Goya: Black Beans Matter
←Rate | 07-12-2020 08:46 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dating is like going to garage sales where everything looks great from a distance but up close you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need. 21 minutes
←Rate | 07-12-2020 01:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really don't understand this so called pandemic. We have been social distancing ever since we signed up for Facebook.
←Rate | 07-11-2020 10:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know when it comes to being corvid free I really don't have a hard time not really socializing seeing as how I've been practicing doing that ever since I signed up for Facebook.
←Rate | 07-11-2020 08:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm a BLM fan: Bacon, Lettuce, & 'Mater samich.
←Rate | 07-11-2020 01:33 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon DNA is so detailed, that it directs hairs where to grow on your nut sack.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 20:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really hope the Covid-19 virus can't be spread from kissing butt.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 14:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The proverbial saying 'Rome wasn't built in a day' suggests that a complex task or great achievement that shouldn't be rushed and is a great excuse for procrastinating.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 14:27 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone probably choked to death on food in the Death Star cafeteria and everyone thought it was Vader doing it.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 14:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In my mind: I got them moves like Jagger In reality: I got them moves like I’m on Jäger
←Rate | 07-10-2020 11:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just had ice cream WITHOUT sprinkles ... OMG diets sure are hard!!
←Rate | 07-10-2020 10:51 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon You think your having a bad day? Clams are getting chowdered. CHOWDERED.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 10:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I accidentally took my birth control pill twice yesterday and when I woke up this morning, one of my kids was gone.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sleep better naked, why can't the flight attendant understand this?
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Video Games in the 80s: Run! Jump! Eat this flower! Collect the coins! Video Games Now: You are a broken man, haunted by the choices you’ve made. You do not fear the sweet embrace of death, but you still have unfinished business.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:44 Comments (0)  


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