Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon What did Sushi-A say to Sushi-B? Wasabi.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 17:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Final Destination movie ending: Death wins, everyone who survived the accident in the beginning, dies.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Took my phone to the men's room once-didn't realize I was streaming live..
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Selling scotch during a prohibition is whiskey business.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did the Galaxy Karaoke phone fail? It always played the Samsung over and over again.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My math teacher called me average. How mean!
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My sister used to date a guy who played professional hockey in Calgary. He's an old Flame.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *pulls out earbud* What? "We need to talk." *pulls out earbud* "You've been spending too much time at Chernobyl." *pulls out earbud* No way
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish and he'll see if there are microwave instructions on the side.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to write "made you look" on folded pieces of paper and place them under car windshield wipers in parking lots.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm smart but not "know when to stop eating" smart.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon : I hate it when after installing a new app, it automatically puts it on the home screen. Like no. You have to earn that place. Now sit back down.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You wanna take this outside bro? You sure bro? It's awfully chilly bro. Hold on bro, let me grab my scarf.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grading system for students in India: A - Average B - Below average C - Can't have dinner D - Don't come home F - Find a new family
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Alien vs Predator] Alien: I can eat your face off Predator: I'm not allowed within 100 feet of a school
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kid... Me... Kid... Me... Kid... Me... Kid: You didn't sew the hole in my bunny Me.. Kid.. Me: It's 3:07am Kid: So are you gonna sew it now?
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: [holding door for wife] WIFE: Why can't we just buy an umbrella?
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Squats down to look for food in the refrigerator* Fitness.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn girl, are you a desk? Cause I'm not exactly sure how to pick you up
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook is terrific way to connect with classmates who haven't aged as well as you.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 15:05 Comments (0)  



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