Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   : Scaramucci (n) a verry confident guy who doesn't last long.

   internet dating... ~ welcome to the future ~

   : A cat never cries over spilled milk.

   : Let's do away with the electoral vote. And go by the actual voter's vote count to determine the winner of an election.

   Adrenalin highs are my favorite, it helps me conserve my weed. . .

   Can't wait, after Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday's Trump fiasco, I'm so looking forward to SNL this Saturday. It's going to be an awesome show.

   As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me

   I thought Trump said for every CEO that drops out of the Manufacturing Council, he have many to take their place. Was he lying? No he can't be, because he's Trump.

   Trump: I need to be on the power high when it comes to the business council. You guys can't quit on me! I'm quitting you by ending the council permanently. That'll show you to question my rac.ism!

   I once took a dump that was shaped like a pretzel. I $h!t you knot...

   It boggles the mind how most of you passionately supports the Neo-Nazis. Absolutely mind boggling.

   Maybe if you didn't act like thuggish and lazy pieces of crap there wouldn't be a problem

   Q: Why did the turtle cross the road? A: To get to the Shell station.

   Pessimism is just an ugly word for pattern recognition.

   I no longer question authority; I annoy authority. More fun, less effort.

   Tonight, because of the presidents speech, me and the family of 13 have now converted to democrats.

   . Glad trump has not accomplished anything. If he had, we be worse off then we are now.

   My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or destroy Slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave, I would do it. Any snowflake wanna explain what the civil war was about then?

   .During the white house renovations. I hear that trump is having a microphone installed in the cushion of his chair in the oval office. It's so he can record any bright ideas he may come up with.

   If every day is a gift, today was socks.