Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6211 of 6446

Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles
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02-11-2010 08:33
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Can't wait for Valentines Day so I can get that pre-printed card, written by someone else, and a stale box of chocolates because Hallmark is telling him to do it! How romantic!

Valentines Day...The perfect day to buy your "someone special" a card with someone else's words and overpriced flowers. Ahhh, who said romance is gone?
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02-11-2010 08:20
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All you need is love. And Valentines Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.

Life was much simpler when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
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02-11-2010 05:39 by chris
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"Ok Brain: I don't like you and you dont't like me, but this time we have to work toghet....DAMN! He's running awaritnfdnsfoeinlsjerfjsgrjjdfks..."
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02-11-2010 04:15
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believes the NFL will support Haiti by sending over 10 million "Indianapolis Colts 2010 Super Bowl Champions" t-shirts!
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02-11-2010 01:51
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Dear Mr. City Plow Guy, I'd like to actually go to work in the morning so for a change can you maybe not make another Giant Ice mound at the end of my Driveway? For an added bonus could you use some salt on my road instead of just flatting out the snow.
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02-10-2010 23:58 by The FRED
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When she asked me "What kind of idiot are you?" it took me awhile to realize it wasn't a Facebook quiz.

I played a country music song backwards. I got my truck back,my house back,my dog back..

its better to loved and lost then to live with the psycho for the rest of your life.
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02-10-2010 19:18 by Jason
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Arite guys, celebrity doppelgänger week is over. Take down these beautiful celebrities and let's see your ugly faces again.
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02-10-2010 18:07
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Send me your FarmVille invitation... So, I can have it foreclosed and evicted by the end of the day.
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02-10-2010 18:00 by BCJ
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Rest in Peace Captain Phil...I guess catching crabs can really kill you!!!

If the meaning of life is the greatest mystery of all, why don't we put Matlock on the case? You know what I'm talking about…AWWW YEAH

Why does war exist, why do we hate, and who keeps making these Martin Lawrence movies? Big Mommas House 3? Three? WTF
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02-10-2010 17:08 by MN
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If we are all part of a greater whole, and all come from the same place, and we are all one and share the same essence…why can't I have sex with my friend's sister without him getting mad at me? She's hot, I wanna get in that…

Sometimes it's just easier to pay someone else than to try to do it yourself....Especially when that something is spreading herpes or glitter
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02-10-2010 16:43
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Sometimes it's just easier to pay someone else than to try to do it yourself....Especially when that something is Proctology
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02-10-2010 16:01
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Treat me like an angel.....and il take you 2 heaven! ;-)