Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Would if he could: Change his relationship status to "Pimpin'...and it's complicated"

   She's somewhat of a mixture between a chickenhead and a swallow

   thinks that a decapitated Frog looks hotter than the Jonas Brothers

   welcome to britain, where men are men and women are slags!

   We need Facebook for Dummies Asap..Because Some OF Yall Say the Dumbest Shi...

   We need Facebook Dummies Asap..Because Some OF Yall Say the Dumbest Shi...

   - Why pay for a comedian, when you can watch liverpool play football

   reminding everyone to Not eat the yellow snow

   loves you as much as a fat kid loves cake.

   the "Pull my finger" joke stinks.

   ..is so poor, she can't even afford to window shop.

   I believe in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.

   If you drink, dont drive. If you drive, dont speed. If you speed, dont get caught. If dont you get caught, dont end up in jail. If you end up in jail..... Dont drop the soap.

   Snow on da ground.... Snow on da ground... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground....look at ya now... car spinning 'round.... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground...

   i live my life like i've missed nothing! I started over and am doing it again

   Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

   I wanna find a girl who loves me for my money, but doesnt understand math.

   maybe if I wear shorts tomorrow summer will come early

   So there're these 'don't start forest fires' commercials telling me to get my smokey on. All I can think is "If an anthropomorphic bear in a pair of jeans and one of those ranger hats comes up and tells me not to set stuff on fire, I probably already did

   ▒▒broke his sta▒tus but ▒▒▒▒ a little duct tape goes▒▒ a long w▒ay....