Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ........... words will never f**king fail me !!!

   If your blonde and you know it stomp your feet! *clap* *clap*

   You're never more indignant in life than when you're shopping in a store that you feel is beneath you and one of the other customers mistakes you for an employee of that store.

   Done today: ☑ Got groceries, ☑ Relaxed, ☑ Eating, ☑ Been cool, ☑ [Censored].

   A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

   ..this warm weather brings out the worst in people. Like B.O.,unkept feet and whale thongs . Shudder.

   I'm not saying we ought to misbehave, but we should at least look as though we could.

   with all the engineers trying to stop the leak in the gulf, has anyone tried to contact someone with some basic plumbing skills???

   wishes more businesses would check their signs for mistakes. There is a HUGE difference in "Closed for remodeling" and " Closed for remolding."

   we all live on the same planet but we're all in our own worlds..

   has come up with a solution to the oil spill .........auqaman(finally he can be useful)

   women are like parkingspots . All the good ones are taken... and the rest is for handicaped people ...

   Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

   I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one

   The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere

   Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting

   You can negotiate with a terrorist, not with a redhead.

   Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

   My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine

   Aspire to inspire before you expire.