Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5829 of 6446

wondering if Jewish doctors get paid for doing circumcisions, or just get to keep the tips.
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07-20-2010 22:20 by kittykat
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discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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07-20-2010 22:19 by kittykat
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had some Korean meatballs last night. They were the dog's bollocks.
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07-20-2010 22:16 by kittykat
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once read a book about anti-gravity. I just couldn't put it down.
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07-20-2010 22:13 by kittykat
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My boyfriend told me that he was seeing someone else because he was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.
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07-20-2010 22:13 by kittykat
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kind of surprised I'm not an action figure by now.
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07-20-2010 22:12 by kittykat
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hates it when old relatives come up to you at weddings and say, "You'll be next, dear". I'm sure they wouldn't be too impressed if I started saying that to them at funerals.
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07-20-2010 22:11 by kittykat
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thinks a city built on rock 'n roll would be structurally unsound.
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07-20-2010 22:10
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just had a bunch of underwear stolen. Cops are making a brief inquiry.
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07-20-2010 22:10 by kittykat
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thinks that 99% of the people in this world are complete morons. It's a good job I'm in the other 2%.
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07-20-2010 22:08 by kittykat
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fired her masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
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07-20-2010 22:07 by kittykat
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discovered last weekend that if you play a Nickelback album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Nickelback.
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07-20-2010 22:06 by kittykat
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used to work for H&R Block, but it was too taxing.
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07-20-2010 22:05 by kittykat
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waiting for boomerangs to make a comeback
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07-20-2010 22:04 by kittykat
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In Cincinnati, a women gave birth to two 10-pound baby boys. The kids are named Strech and Mark.
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07-20-2010 21:50 by BEGO
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Does the career advice, "Come early on your first day" apply in the porn business?
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07-20-2010 21:22 by GB
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Knows that some people are like slinkies, there not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

knows that arguing with you is like running a race in the Special Olympics, you might win but in the end your still a retard.

Sorry, constantly quoting random bible scriptures isnt going to convince me. I could quote one the Twilight books and be just as profound. Twilight Eclipse, Chapter one verse three, "The."
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07-20-2010 21:12 by Tracy
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knows that hangovers are Gods way of saying you kicked ass last night.