Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5755 of 6446

more awesome than The Miz.
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08-18-2010 00:06
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You go to bed right now mister... How dare you post on here about your mother you are grounded for a week with no lemon bar deserts!
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08-18-2010 00:00
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Anyone else hate when there mom says they have to go to bed because it's too late? I mean really mom... it's 9 pm I know you are just looking out for me but I am 35 and I deserve some respect!
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08-17-2010 23:55
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climbing in your windows & snatching your people up. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife.

Your Skin Is Pale White and you dont go out in the sun. Say it,Vampire. No I just play a lot of world of warcraft.
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08-17-2010 23:25 by D-Man
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BBC News: "Plus size women worth $10 billion to the fashion industry." Nothing compared to what they're worth to the food industry...
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08-17-2010 23:23
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Sugar daddy: Like a genie - he may be a little old, but if a girl rubs his lamp, he'll grant her wishes.
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08-17-2010 23:19
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Just overheard someone say "I've got a gut feeling in my stomach." That kind of use of the English language makes me want to punch his face in the face.
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08-17-2010 23:15
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Why don't autobiographies ever end with the person writing a book?
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08-17-2010 23:14
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Today, I saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was stupid idea, but I couldn't change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn't want my arms to get cold…
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08-17-2010 22:53 by HOME
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went to a country jamboree when this slutty dressed girl tripped and ended up on her back...Couldn't help it...I yelled Now that's a HO DOWN!!!
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08-17-2010 22:05
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it possible that at Brett Favre's age he just keeps forgetting he retired?
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08-17-2010 21:59 by Aaron
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"Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie. Our sizes are; Small, X Small, Anorexic, Bulemic, and Malnourished."
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08-17-2010 21:22
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When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed.
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08-17-2010 21:12
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How come the actors in fast food commercials are all thin?
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08-17-2010 21:11
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I fear the day Facebook decides to inform users of who has viewed their profile... and how many times. ツ
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08-17-2010 21:07
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You laugh because I'm different... I laugh because you're all the same.
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08-17-2010 21:06
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I dare you to wink as much in real life as you do on online.
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08-17-2010 21:06
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I don't understand some elevator people... Do you really think pushing the elevator button more than once makes it move faster?
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08-17-2010 21:01
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“Hey. What do I do again?” -- Me greeting my boss every Monday morning.
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08-17-2010 21:00
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