Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5742 of 6384
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:51
Comments (0)
My grandmother just asked me why I don't have any photos on Facebook. Well, at least I know my privacy settings are working properly.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:50
Comments (0)
The funny thing is, you can't tell if I'm naked...
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:49
Comments (0)
I can finally sympathize with women after I had to make a CVS trip at 2 am because my XBOX controller ran out of batteries.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:48
Comments (0)
Wanna have some fun? Ask a really stoned person to say the word indubitably.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:47
Comments (0)
You know you're a redneck when you go to Walmart and take pictures of yourself.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:47
Comments (0)
A man sitting in church writes a note to his wife: "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?"...She writes back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:46
Comments (0)
When I start to trip and fall, I just turn it into a dance. "Sorry, can't control the funk."
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:44
Comments (0)
No, really, I can't afford to be hungover tomorrow. I mean, unless you're buying, of course.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:43
Comments (0)
It saddens me to think there are people in the world who don't pretend to paddle a canoe while on the moving walkways in airports.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:43
Comments (0)
Won't go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for "spider life span" reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:42
Comments (0)
I'd tell you what I'm doing but I've learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:41
Comments (0)
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You're drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:41
Comments (0)
Doing my weekly Anti-virus scan, my laptop is a slut.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:40
Comments (0)
Constipation is like teenage love: can't sleep, can't eat, and it hurts when it leaves you.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:39
Comments (0)
There is nothing worse in the World than sitting on the toilet and getting splash back.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:38
Comments (0)
I love sleep so much that its the first thing I think about when I wake up....
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:36
Comments (0)
hey girls! if you're boyfriend sparkles and doesn't want to have sex with you, he's not a vampire. He's gay!
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:25 by geez
Comments (1)
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:11
Comments (0)
I was going to watch the new Jersey Shore season but decided it would be easier on my eyes to just pull them out of their sockets with a pair of pliers.
←Rate |
07-30-2010 13:31
Comments (0)