Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm one click of the mouse away from taking over the world. HA, HA, HA......

   real men don`t wear pink , it ain`t big and it ain`t clever.

   When you have a cat....you never poop alone.

   I can't believe it, just when I moved to a nice neighbourhood away from all the theft and gun crime, they've gone and invented the houses that were too close.

   so far its been one of those weeks where the middle finger can answer any question!!!

   do you ever look at someone and think 'out of 10,000,000 sperm YOU were the fastest?'

   bought a new car and named it "Curiosity". The cats down my road have had it now!

   In positive news, 6,694,254,041 people completely unaffected by the Pakistan floods.

   ...and buying sushi from 7-11 wasn't even the worst I made decision today

   There is only one woman who has truly changed me. It was my mother and I was a baby.

   If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

   how mad will you be when you find out all the herbs and spices in kfc is just salt

   do not ever think a Mach 3 razor is an appropriate to tool to get rid of nose hairs.......

   In his first day since stepping down from BP, Tony Hayward took a $hit in his neighbor's pool.

   Home Depot has opened their own pharmacy and the hottest item is their version of a male enhancement pill. The side effect is when a pretty girl walks by your garage door opens.

   Brett Farve has announced his "retirement" once again, now tying Cher for most retirements in one career.

   Wonders why are there so many whales on shark week this year. Opppss, never mind. I was watching "The View"

   Bristol Palin has called off her wedding. A Palin calling it quits? Say it isn't so.

   Brett Favre has just announced he is going to play for the Miami Heat this seaon!

   Wondering If I can get a clock that tells woman time. You know, "be back in a minute"=1-2hours. " be right there"=anywhere between 25 to 45 minutes. and of course the imfamous, "Lets just stop by and say hi."= 6hours plus. And last but not least, "just