Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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What's this bullsh*t that Pandora is telling me that I've gone over my free music listening privileges for the month and now I have to pay a fee to listen some more?!?! This is America! And in America, Pandora should be free no matter how much you use it!
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08-22-2010 18:07 by MBH
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I think this person in the bank drive thru in front of me is refinancing their mortgage.
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08-22-2010 18:04 by MBH
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Your eyes make the stars look like they're not shining.
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08-22-2010 18:03 by MBH
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Look at it this way... If Walmart didn't exist, those people could shop ANYWHERE.
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08-22-2010 18:01
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If your girlfriend's driving you crazy, it's probably because it's the only kind of driving she's good at.
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08-22-2010 18:00
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This gallon of ice cream is a new flavor called, "Get Your Own."
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08-22-2010 17:59 by MBH
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less than a God, but more than a man.
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08-22-2010 17:27
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...Wyclef Jean disqualified for Haitian Presidency. Hey, that's no fair! If we elected an unqualified black man, why can't they?
Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded.
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08-22-2010 15:57
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WEDDING: Point at which a male's opinions become utterly worthless.
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08-22-2010 14:49
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when light turns green, it means GO not text
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08-22-2010 14:48 by TD
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LOVE: nature's way of tricking people into reproducing
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08-22-2010 14:44
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BAT WINGS: When you're sweaty, and your sac starts stickin to your inner thighs
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08-22-2010 14:36
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always right and never wrong. The only time I thought I was wrong was when I thought I was wrong but I wasn't - I was right!!
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08-22-2010 14:35 by @clarkysj
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BONG: what you put the flowers in when then cops drive by. lol
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08-22-2010 14:35
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DINGLE BERRY: A small piece of poo clinging for dear life on the ass hair like it's the gym rope.
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08-22-2010 14:34
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My therapist once told me, "Sarah, no one is taking advantage of you." Feeling a bit better I asked how much was the co-pay. He said "I don't know how much do you got?"
Out of a million voices I want to be the one that is heard.
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08-22-2010 13:36 by cb96
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not mean. He/She just wasn't born with enough middle fingers to get his/her point across.
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08-22-2010 12:01 by Shocker
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ex girlfriend just told me that my immaturity erected a barrier between us...I have no idea what she's talking about, but its so funny that she said erected.