Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5673 of 6384
Police were called to a day-care centre today.... A two year old boy was resisting a rest.
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08-24-2010 14:36
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my name is what, my name is who, my name is chicka chicka slim shady
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08-24-2010 14:13
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Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
Dance like no one's going to put it on YouTube.
findining it increasingly difficuly to not say "Really? Since when?" whenever an atheist says "OMG!"
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08-24-2010 12:53
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will never gonna figure out why they call it Miss Universe when our planet is the only one competing.
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08-24-2010 12:47
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Has been lonely lately so I just made an appointment for my annual physical and prostate exam
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08-24-2010 12:13
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I am pretty bummed. I found out this morning the hard way that I am in fact, NOT a Jedi. That certificate from Lucusworks now has to come off of my wall. This is a sad day indeed.
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08-24-2010 11:46
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thinks that 99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I'm in the other 2%
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08-24-2010 11:20
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Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of bad girls ;)
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08-24-2010 11:18
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I hate all these derelicts that come into my office asking for directions to Social Security they are going there to make sure they get money from the government, do you think it is wrong that I gave them the directions to the Department of Labor Job Enf
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible like that.
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08-24-2010 10:07
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I support the right of the Jedi to build a temple, but does it have to be two blocks from the ruins of the Death Star?
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08-24-2010 09:49
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In the past seven days, 1 friend of mine gave birth, 1 buried his father, 1 buried her brother, 1 died, 1 got divorced, 2 got married, 1 quit his job, 1 got fired and 6 celebrated birthdays. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm f*cking exhausted.
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08-24-2010 09:00
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says, if Renea would just watch porn with me, she would understand why I made her buy roller skates and why we have 20 gallons of chocolate pudding in the fridge
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08-24-2010 08:20 by otis
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I eat because I'm depressed. I'm depressed because I eat.
lets play...." I hope thats chocolate"..
facebook suggested me and my ex should be friends. Thats like saying to Facebook 'I think you should be friends with Myspace'.
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08-24-2010 07:13 by trickz100
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talk sh*t again, and its going right back in your mouth.
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08-24-2010 07:10 by ashley
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aside from your face, what is your problem? :D
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08-24-2010 06:46
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