Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5629 of 6384
more bored than plywood!
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09-12-2010 00:00
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if you we are in the midst of a text/chat conversation and you insist on suddenly delaying your responses withou informing me why then don't expect me to wait and wonder. I moved on after your first delay.
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09-11-2010 23:45
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i am a leader not a follower so therefore I dont twitter.
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09-11-2010 23:39
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wants to buy skittles and randomly throw them at people yelling taste the rainbow.
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09-11-2010 23:31
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Master Hathaway please save me from the evil toad mistress "I could darling but your butt is far too large to fit into the space"
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09-11-2010 20:11
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when the only thing you have is a hammer every moron resembles a nail
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09-11-2010 20:05 by ANGELA
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apparently I'm not wearing a sweater vest but rather a "quilted wife beater" priceless
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09-11-2010 20:03 by ANGELA
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I didn't get a lot in class but I know it don't come in a shot glass
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09-11-2010 20:02
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Some of the ugliest faces in this world hide behind a 12 pack of beer
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09-11-2010 19:35 by ANGELA
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I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "Dibs!"...
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09-11-2010 19:35
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I'm stripping for her via video chat, but the sound is turned off 'cause her students are taking a test.
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09-11-2010 19:34
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In college I was the Brett Favre of retiring from drinking.
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09-11-2010 19:32
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It's a myth that pets provide home security. 96% of all dog barks are false alarms, and cats instinctively side with evildoers.
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09-11-2010 19:31
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A rattlesnake if cornered, will be so angry that it will bite itself. That is exactly what harboring hate/resentment against others is. We think we are harming others in holding these spites/hates but the deeper harm is to ourselves. ~ E, Stanley Jones
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09-11-2010 19:31 by Shou-lin
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I now feel old, realizing Nirvana's "Smells like teen spirit" was released 19 years ago.
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09-11-2010 19:30
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The existence of flamethrowers proves that someone once said, “I want to set those people over there on fire but I'm just not close enough.”
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09-11-2010 19:29
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Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
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09-11-2010 19:27
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If only I could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
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09-11-2010 19:26
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We stand, we fall, we stand right back up and whoop a$$. Let the innocent souls be felt on this day.
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09-11-2010 18:35
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Today is the day we remember there is evil in the world......
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09-11-2010 18:32
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