Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5624 of 6384
I Got Married For Better or For Worse................She couldn't do better and I couldn't do any worse
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09-13-2010 20:08 by Steve666
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Standup Facebook. Where "Poke" is the new booty call.
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09-13-2010 19:58
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Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys? Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips
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09-13-2010 18:43 by ANGELA
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Why does Jason kill on Fridays when ppl are just starting their weekend? Why can't he wait til Monday mornings when everyone hates their lives
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09-13-2010 18:23
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Yo Mamas So Fat She Downloaded Cheats For Wii Fit
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09-13-2010 18:07
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Without fail, any movie sequel that does not have the same actors as the first movie will be terrible. Every time. I don't know why they bother.
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09-13-2010 18:06
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Just list United States first, Scroll Down Menu. I'm quite certain no one from Afghanistan is signing up for your email alerts.
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09-13-2010 17:51
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Can we just make everything battery-related run on AA batteries?
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09-13-2010 17:50
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Why do I feel so awkward about asking you for the money you owe me? You owe me. You must feel terrible.
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09-13-2010 17:48
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If you got a problem with your woman dont go out and get another woman cause now you got 2 problems
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09-13-2010 17:06 by @seddy90
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It's great when I find out that some girl that used to be a b*tch to me in high school is just some random guys' baby mama now.
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09-13-2010 17:04
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If anyone has trouble finding the key to my heart, I keep an extra set under the stones in my kidney.
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09-13-2010 16:44
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The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren't me.
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09-13-2010 16:43
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Having a diet coke with your super-sized meal doesn't make it a ''healthy choice.''
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09-13-2010 16:41
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If I miss 11/11/11 11:11:11 I will be soooo pissed.
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09-13-2010 16:40
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If somebody ever stole my identity, I'm pretty sure they'd give it right back.
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09-13-2010 16:40
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My biggest fear used to be getting sick and dying, now it's of me dropping my cell phone in the toilet.
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09-13-2010 16:38
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I once told a police officer, I was going 90 mph cause I sh*t my pants, he let me go. It works people, it works!
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09-13-2010 16:36
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I'm building a fort in the living room with a sign that says "nobody else allowed" and I'm moving into it. Forever.
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09-13-2010 16:35
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People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh*t to yourself.
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09-13-2010 16:33
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