Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5614 of 6384
Her: ''Honey, you never listen to what I say!'' --- Him: ''Of course they will.''
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09-17-2010 07:16
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The equation for Lady Gaga's Bad Romance :(RAH)^2 (AH)^3 + RO(MA +(MA)^2) + (GA)^2 + OOH(LA)^2
Don't worry about that old lady crossing the street...she rolled the dice the second she stepped off the curb.
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09-17-2010 01:14
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wonders why girls can't get their pictures taken without pursing their lips like little who*res.
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09-17-2010 00:14
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one of the biggest compliments you can receive is when someone posts a status update about your status update
I kissed Troy's mom and she like it, hope his squirrel friend don't mind it
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09-16-2010 22:18
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wonders when when when will I learn to post an independent congrats and not reply to an announcement so that I won't get fifty-seven updates while every other kind person offers their congratulations?
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09-16-2010 20:51 by AT
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how come every time I change my password it still shows up as the same 8 stars in a row ******** ?
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09-16-2010 20:36 by Troy
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FACT: The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first Hockey Helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
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09-16-2010 20:16
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So my girl cooked dinner and I fed some to the dog,she asks me what is he doing and I replied I fed him some of your food. She asks me why is he licking his butthole ...I said to get the taste out of his mouth
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09-16-2010 18:52
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being chased by the paparazzi
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09-16-2010 18:39
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When someone says, "What is this world coming to?" I like to reply, "mostly internet porn."
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09-16-2010 18:37
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Not having internet on my phone makes me feel like a social leper. At the bar, all my friends are updating statuses, posting pictures and googling things. I'm just hanging out, checking my contacts list and re-reading old texts.
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09-16-2010 18:36
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George Michael has been forced to give hand jobs to his fellow in-mates before having to make hot chocolate for them. He is currently working on a new single about his time inside called 'Wank me off before your cocoa"
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09-16-2010 18:25 by Fat_Cat
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I went to bed last night and my friends count was 557.. I woke up this morning and it was 555.. Jumped back up to 557 for a brief hour and a half then back down to 555.. Will the two fence sitting idiots please make up their mind.. Or I'll make it up for
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09-16-2010 16:33
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You could learn a lot by listening. So shut up and let me talk.
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09-16-2010 16:24 by Aaron
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What do burnt toast and a pregnant woman have in common?... In both cases you'd wished you had pulled out a few seconds earlier.
Are orphans allowed to watch PG movies???
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09-16-2010 16:05 by geez
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- You gotta take some chances, You gotta risk it all, You gotta close your eyes,` &jump'; 'cause it might be worth the fall..
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09-16-2010 15:52 by imru
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I like science. I know for a fact that you have 206 bones, and if you would like one more, I'd be glad to do it.
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09-16-2010 15:32 by Omar Ayub
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