Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's really awkward that all of the people who post the "how did you meet me" statuses are all people I haven't met.. then again, I don't go outside

   What do women and dog sh!t have in common? The older they are, the easier they are to pick up

   Really hate how some of my friends try to fish for compliments with their posts that say "post one word that reminds you of me" I always post back, I can't think of one word, but there are two that really stand out to me.

   somehow dressing up in spandex and my underwear seemed like such a great idea when I was a kid. Tried it today, if anybody needs me I will be in the Pysche Ward for the next two weeks.

   Went to the store to buy groceries for my kids at the store today. Was shocked in the Ceral Isle. There were 40 different varities of Captain Crunch. Really? How many combos of sugar squares and sugar balls can there be?

   really annoyed with the new Hollywood 3D Craze. There are some things you don't want to see in 3D, Jack*ss comes to mind.

   I love them all.....Fake (+)(+) , Perfect (o)(o), Perky (*)(*), Cold (^)(^) and even Grandma's \o/ \o/ Big ( • )( • ) or small (.) (.) save them all. REPOST for Breast Cancer Awareness.

   Had a conference today with my child's teacher regarding her C in Grammar. During our conference, her teacher totally said "funner". ha ha.

   (☼)(☼) = Janet Jacksons Boobs ; (o)(o)(o) = That chick From Total Recall Boobs ;

   so lindsay was caught jumpin a gate tryna escape rehab for a soda.. I'm guessin it was coke.. .

   At the drive thru at my bank. The tube came back with my cash and a Chilean miner

   People You May Know = I know none of these people.

   If no one likes you, you want to re-evaluate yourself because not everyone can be the problem

   How do you break a mans heart? You can't because they don't have one.

   Do what you love, and the money will follow, unless what you love is Facebook.

   I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff.

   As a Social Networking Expert, I have evaluated your Facebook activity and your status updates. My conclusion: You're all crazy.

   "And they lived happily ever after" is just another way of saying "they are in denial."

   Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I'm so glad I'm not a crazy person.

   Dear CAN, why are your books so much more $$ than mine? - US