Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5582 of 6384
Good morning Tuesday...tell your pal Friday he needs to come around here tomorrow.
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09-28-2010 03:13 by Tex
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Were drunk! you dont have to know or like me to make passionate movie love to me!! Tomorrow we'll act like it never happend!
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09-28-2010 02:51
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Each day is a gift...Mondays are gag gifts!
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09-28-2010 00:40 by Zack
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Home and drunk before midnight, and not sleeping in the drunk tank with a roll of toilet paper as a pillow......woo hoo!!!
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09-27-2010 23:32 by mikey123
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I was thinkin bout her, thinkin bout me, what we gonna be? open my eyes, yeah... it was only just a dreammmmmmmmm .....
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09-27-2010 22:47 by SAM RABEE
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Evidently that good samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.
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09-27-2010 22:39 by Aaron
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If it isn't less than I'm doing right now, then it's hardly the least I can do.
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09-27-2010 22:37 by Aaron
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I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
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09-27-2010 22:33 by jean
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Ever have one of those days when you just want to go home and take a long hot bath with a small electric kitchen appliance?
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09-27-2010 22:22 by Aaron
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thinks it's ironic that the man that brought the Segway to life was brought to death by his invention.
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09-27-2010 22:17 by Juni
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Interesting piece of history: In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
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09-27-2010 21:44
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Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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09-27-2010 20:57
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wants a shag in front of the fire and one night stand, better head to Ikea
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09-27-2010 20:54
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Today, I saw a Proactive commercial with Justin Bieber as the spokesperson. Don't you have to go through puberty to have acne?
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09-27-2010 20:50 by kehlek
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dreaming the dream but living living the nightmare
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09-27-2010 20:25
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Cause I gave up smokin', Women and drinkin' last night And it was the worst 15 minutes of my life
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09-27-2010 20:12 by cueeball
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~I almost made the mistake of doing some cleaning tonight. Luckily I realized Hoarders is on; so there will be no cleaning AND no guilt
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09-27-2010 19:27
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Know what I love???? Free handguns and Hard liquor night at the ball park!!! Ton's of fun!
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09-27-2010 19:12
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Road rage and profanity: The breakfast of champions.