Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wants to know: if you went to bed with a schizophrenic, would it count as a threesome? Just asking.....

   thinks that tomorrow today will be yesterday

   How stupid is it when someone removes you as a friend, you ask them why and they say, "Why do you think, moron?"... Um, if I knew why, then would I be asking you dumbass?

   that studies are showing that you can be obese & fit at the same time. Yep, that's me!

   contrary to what many believe, there are actually 3 rings to marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

   yes I'm an A$$hole but I'm my defense that guy shouldn't have been walking that close to that puddle!

   says the people I work with are making me crazy, I think there should be some kind of test for babies in the delivery room. If the test shows they're going to grow up stupid they should be neutered immediately.

   It should be illegal to be *required* to be up before noon.

   Charlie Sheen is really coming to the defense of Lindsay Lohan. In fact, he's set up a website asking the media to leave her alone. The site is doing great, it's received almost as many hits as his wife.

   It's your world, I just live and suffer in it.

   Poke me again, and I will stab you.

   I hate mosquitoes!!! I mean, I know I'm delicious but damn...

   Some people should come with subtitles.

   Parents say alcohol is your enemy, God says love your enemy.......

   You failed me when I needed you the most... stupid cell phone!!

   I wish my homework was asexual, so it would do itself.

   When I was little I used to fall asleep on the sofa and wake up in bed, now I pass out on the sofa and wake up on the floor.

   likes his women like he likes his whiskey...15 years old and mixed with coke

   Never apologised for what you feel it's like saying sorrry 4 being real!

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.