Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I was younger, after getting a haircut or visiting the doctor I would receive a lollipop. My tastes have not changed since then. Give me a damn lollipop.

   Oh how winky faces make anything sound dirty (;

   Never Explain -- your Friends do not need it and your Enemies will not believe you anyway

   Life lesson # 243- Never try to cut the hair of a 16 month old child without anesthesia.

   Almost casted for "The Biggest Loser", when I found out it wasn't the lose weight show, totally got pissed..

   if dill was a cookie flavor, would the batter be called "dill dough"?

   well...I can't afford a breast lift. Suppose I could pierce my nipples and wear a magnet around my neck!!

   Me - "Hey Whats up!" Her - "Nothing I feel sick" Me - "awe, why?" Her - "Im on my period..." (walk away slowly and dont say another word)

   's is big. (Or maybe she said that to make me feel good.)

   they say the camera adds 10 pounds. well it looks like you just ate five cameras.

   Ugly girls....stop taking pics and posting it like you're cute.

   This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being

   I wish I had had Dora's parents . They let her little A$$ go anywhere

   still gets Rick Roll'd on youtube every once in awhile."

   Pedro, just listen to your heart. That's what I do." -Napoleon Dynamite

   I like it wherever I can get it, just saying lady's.........

   Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns.

   A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest ur own wife?" He said, "Call for backup."

   The lady's on FB are up to something again, I think I like this as much as the bra color thing..... ; )

   In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.