Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5492 of 6385
Anybody wanna come and drink dinner with me?
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10-26-2010 21:17 by Aaron
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If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will?
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10-26-2010 20:54
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thinking about trick or treating at the local brothel this Sunday. That way I can have both and don't have to choose.
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10-26-2010 20:24
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What do you call a rooster with erectile dysfunction? Boneless chicken
Possible slogan for inferior Tampon Co. "We're not number one, but we're still up there!".
R.I.P. To my seamonkey Oscar~10-20-84 to 10-26-84. You are missed!
how do you know you are at a gay picnic? The hotdogs taste like $h!t
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10-26-2010 20:05
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They just put in a ban of trick or treaters 25 years of age or older... looks like my halloween plans are now changing
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10-26-2010 19:55
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Religion is a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers.
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10-26-2010 19:21
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Dear Me, You are the sexiest thing to walk this Earth! Love, Me
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10-26-2010 18:51 by mmchet
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ever have one of those days when you wish you had the Cone of Silence so you could scream your lungs out without anyone hearing you after debating with a friend who is stuck on stupid?
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10-26-2010 18:18 by Nebulith
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At my last job, I mixed concrete with a pitchfork.. Under job title on this application should I put ,,Mortar forker?
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10-26-2010 18:00
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Guess facebook is my woman because I wake up and say good morning and whats on my mind
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10-26-2010 17:37 by @duranfly
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How do I explain to a coworker, that she is not a size 6…that EVERY pair of pants she wears she has a Camel Toe…and EVERYONE has noticed!
wonders “Why its called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky???”
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10-26-2010 17:12 by ANGELA
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My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b!tch every night.
I just saw that Harry Potter movie. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid with 2 friends?
met this girl at the pub and she told me her ‘sex was on fire'. She lied. But ironically, now it burns when I piss.
"The mistakes of the past don't define you... they refine you."
Worrying Is like a rocking chair, sure it gives you something to do but in the end, it gets you nowhere.
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10-26-2010 16:56 by TOM
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