Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Gravity is a myth,earth sucks.
←Rate | 11-22-2010 14:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know Ive never understood those 1-900 numbers...It seems strange to me to pay to hear a woman's crazy talk on the phone for hours...Im gonna come up with my own 1-900 number where you pay a woman to just be quite for awhile...
←Rate | 11-22-2010 14:16 by bryan j brown Comments (2)  


   messageicon I asked this asian lady what she wanted to drink. She said: "Aren't you so nice." I said, "Well, thanks! So nothing to drink?" She said: "ORANGE JUICE NO ICE!"
←Rate | 11-22-2010 14:10 by @marqattacks Comments (0)  


   messageicon A statement on the entrance to a graveyard: This place is full of people who thought that the world can't do without them.
←Rate | 11-22-2010 13:48 by balleballe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber takes home Artist of the Year at the American Music Awards...and you wonder why the rest of the world hates us so much...
←Rate | 11-22-2010 13:13 by rayzvibe Comments (0)  


   messageicon just noticed that one of his neighbors has changed the name of their wireless network to "AmishOnly!"
←Rate | 11-22-2010 12:24 by IgnorantCanine Comments (1)  


   messageicon ...nice mouth on that Palin kid: I know somebody who needs to buy a new keyboard 'cuz the S, T, F, and you are completely worn out!!
←Rate | 11-22-2010 11:46 by mickeybruce Comments (0)  


   messageicon People when referring to a celebrating a holiday say "it only comes once a year". Well, so does every other day. Like, "Hey, its November 22nd! That only comes once a year.
←Rate | 11-22-2010 11:36 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If someone showed me Black Eye Peas AMA performance back in 1990 and said this is what music is going to look like in 20 years I think I would of barfed.
←Rate | 11-22-2010 10:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon General Motors is poised to become “the success story” of the recession. GM said it wants to thank those who made its recovery possible: Toyota's brakes, Toyota's steering, and Toyota's accelerators!
←Rate | 11-22-2010 10:17 by Total Package Comments (2)  


   messageicon heard on the news that Justin Bieber won like 2 million awards last night but he's only sold 4 CDs. wtf?
←Rate | 11-22-2010 10:13 by mickeybruce Comments (1)  


   messageicon Monday Meeting Autopilot: Shake hands...Good to see you...Squint at pie charts...Nod head...Fake chuckle at the jokes...Suppress yawn...Thank you...and Clap when the 3 hour anguish ends...
←Rate | 11-22-2010 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon brought my date a footlong sub thinking it would score me major points, but apparently I went to the wrong jared . . .
←Rate | 11-22-2010 09:29 by Yaj Comments (0)  


   messageicon believes it's time to celebrate nipples. Without them, boobies would be pointless!
←Rate | 11-22-2010 09:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he cant wait to stick his head out the window into the wind??
←Rate | 11-22-2010 08:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway??
←Rate | 11-22-2010 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fool proof way to find out if a girl likes ya... ring her up at 3am whilst she's asleep. If she texts you the day after and she includes LOL twice.... you've pulled.
←Rate | 11-22-2010 07:22 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are the people that leave their Christmas lights on the house and just turn them on in December smart or just plain lazy??
←Rate | 11-22-2010 07:11 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Dear Curiosity, just put the gun down and lets talk this out.~ Sincerely, The Cat.
←Rate | 11-22-2010 05:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Upstairs when I hear from my mom:"what is Tbagging?" all I could do is laugh then explain to her what it was. Now she won't let me go out on the weekends. :/
←Rate | 11-22-2010 01:47 Comments (0)  




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