Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5471 of 6446

...nice mouth on that Palin kid: I know somebody who needs to buy a new keyboard 'cuz the S, T, F, and you are completely worn out!!

People when referring to a celebrating a holiday say "it only comes once a year". Well, so does every other day. Like, "Hey, its November 22nd! That only comes once a year.
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11-22-2010 11:36
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If someone showed me Black Eye Peas AMA performance back in 1990 and said this is what music is going to look like in 20 years I think I would of barfed.
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11-22-2010 10:24
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General Motors is poised to become “the success story” of the recession. GM said it wants to thank those who made its recovery possible: Toyota's brakes, Toyota's steering, and Toyota's accelerators!

heard on the news that Justin Bieber won like 2 million awards last night but he's only sold 4 CDs. wtf?

Monday Meeting Autopilot: Shake hands...Good to see you...Squint at pie charts...Nod head...Fake chuckle at the jokes...Suppress yawn...Thank you...and Clap when the 3 hour anguish ends...
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11-22-2010 10:09
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brought my date a footlong sub thinking it would score me major points, but apparently I went to the wrong jared . . .
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11-22-2010 09:29 by Yaj
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believes it's time to celebrate nipples. Without them, boobies would be pointless!
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11-22-2010 09:25
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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he cant wait to stick his head out the window into the wind??
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11-22-2010 08:07
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Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway??
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11-22-2010 08:01
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A fool proof way to find out if a girl likes ya... ring her up at 3am whilst she's asleep. If she texts you the day after and she includes LOL twice.... you've pulled.
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11-22-2010 07:22 by @clarkysj
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Are the people that leave their Christmas lights on the house and just turn them on in December smart or just plain lazy??
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11-22-2010 07:11
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Dear Curiosity, just put the gun down and lets talk this out.~ Sincerely, The Cat.
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11-22-2010 05:18
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Upstairs when I hear from my mom:"what is Tbagging?" all I could do is laugh then explain to her what it was. Now she won't let me go out on the weekends. :/
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11-22-2010 01:47
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If Juston Beiber is the AMA Artist of the year then I am the next Victoria Secret cover model.
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11-21-2010 23:32 by Mari
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Eggnog....I get the egg part but, what the hell is "nog"
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11-21-2010 23:24
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If I was an MMA fighter and had cauliflower ear, I'd seriously consider cutting my ears off.
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11-21-2010 23:13 by emccully
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A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...heheheehe...I said bush:)

Dear Kanye, Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue, If Justin Bieber wins an AMA, you know what to do!
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11-21-2010 21:44
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I will accept this award for Shikira tonight because she was busted by the TSA for trying to smuggle her own ass into the country