Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5469 of 6385
Just once I would like the pilot to say "Hey gang, who here wants to just keep flying and see where we end up?"
All I wanna do is have my mind erased
It isn't until all's been said and done that you actually realize all you should have said and done.
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up... cause, you know... I'm still looking for ideas.
Every guy thinks catching the girl he loves is an amazing accomplishment. Actually, catching the girl is the easy part, keeping her is the real damn accomplishment.
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11-03-2010 22:59 by BEGO
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So many things remind me of You, mostly when I sit on the toilet.
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11-03-2010 22:57 by BEGO
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the font smaller, or am I on acid??
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11-03-2010 22:56 by MikeM
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I don't care what the world knows about me just so long as my parents never finds out
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11-03-2010 22:40 by BEGO
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I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on earth, then I ask myself the same question...
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11-03-2010 22:29 by heZz
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no officer, I was not texting...i was on facebook
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11-03-2010 22:29 by cece
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i text one of my boss "Whats the difference between this morning and your daughter?".He says "I dont know" .I say "I'm not cuming in this morning
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11-03-2010 22:28 by @seddy90
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Call Bruce Willis..I see red people...
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11-03-2010 22:09
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I'm Keyser Söze
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11-03-2010 22:05 by jmigas
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For fun I just increased the font to 200% and it looked like first grade all over again.
eaten so much Halloween candy that next week it will look like I'm going through puberty again. Hey, maybe this time I will get boobs!
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11-03-2010 21:14
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Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
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11-03-2010 21:02
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just watched half of The Social Network and I got to say to that point it is absolutely one of the most boring movies I have ever seen..right..I know it's more of a movie for academic queers
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11-03-2010 20:29 by SLAYER
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stupid campaign commercials. Because of them, Everytime before I "Like" someone else's status I say to myself. My name is 'X' and I approve this message
stupid campaign commercials. Because of them, Everytime before I "Like" someone else's status I say to myself. My name is 'X' and I approve this message
Why is it that when I walk into a Walmart I feel like I should give the greeter my ticket for the freakshow I'm about to see?
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11-03-2010 19:11
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