Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   loves the wind in my hair, the sun shining on my face while horseback riding. oh damn...i need another quarter

   Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

   You know its going to be a rough day when you wake up on the wrong side of someone else's bed and don't remember how you go there.

   am addicted. I bought all the iPhone,iPad,iTouch...now iBroke,ihomeless and iRegret.

   my fripples are nozen.

   Heard a dude in the stall next to me in the Walmart Bathroom say "There can be only One".. He is either a Highlander or he needs some more toilet paper.......

   Got a friend request the other day from someone I didn't know. Checked out her friends list to see a connection and she had a collection of Corey's. Scary, she wanted me to become her 312th Corey friend in her Corey collection.........Makes me a little un

   Millions of theorems derived, thousands of formulas created but the fact remains the same. "X" is still unknown! Dammit!

   Justin Bieber won Artist of the Year at the American Music Awards. **snaps fingers** Mmm Hmmm You Go Girl!!

   I always wanted a good job and to drive fancy cars... finally I am a valet.

   Why does the new thomas the train commercial say it's so easy to score??

   Don't slap my ass then apologize.

   You need to carry Lifesavers on you religiously because they will serve their purpose. In your pockets & in your car. Do it. Trust me.

   So my daughter who is 6 years old (about to be 7 in January) can text on her cell phone, google and youtube Justin Beiber videos on my laptop. When I was that age I thought I was cool because I knew how to dial 911 on the house phone!

   Justin Bieber wins at the American Music Awards...reason enough to declare war on Canada

   The only turkey I'll be having on Thursday most likely is the wild kind, on the rocks

   ummmm...nothin like wild turkey for thanksgiving.

   thought he wanted a career...years of experience have taught him that what he really wanted was just the paychecks.

   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.

   The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it's still on the list.