Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5414 of 6385
No longer wants to be a Vampire driving a Volvo or a Werewolf driving a Volkswagen it's all about a Wizard on a Broomstick.......
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11-21-2010 09:13
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Once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels like
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11-21-2010 09:11
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A woman was in bed with husband's best friend when phone rang. After hanging up, she turned to her lover and said "That was Jim, but don't worry he won't be home for a while, he's playing cards with you!
...is lying here unable to sleep, thinking about tomorrow when I'll be lying here unable to wake up.
If only dumb people were smart enough to know how dumb smart people were they wouldn't feel so stupid.
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11-21-2010 09:01
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When someone says "I'll think about it," they're just trying to get you to stop talking. Also, the answer is "no."
Have you ever tried breathing out of your mouth and nose at the same time? Are you trying it now?
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11-21-2010 08:56
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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
I always bring my phone with me into the grocery store because I'm expecting a very important fake call if I see someone who knows me.
If you think it's necessary to judge me by my past, don't get mad when I put you there.
If you didn't talk to me in High School then don't request to be my friend on Facebook.
can't wait for Thanksgiving!! No, not because of the meal and football games. Just found out I don't have to sit at "The Kids Table" again this year!!!!
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11-21-2010 08:33 by Steve OH
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In reality I'm at work. In my mind I'm in a hammock with Mary Ann and Ginger.
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11-21-2010 08:25
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STARVING!!!! I'm so damn hungry that the Food Channel would look like Porn!!!!
elegantly wasted.
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11-21-2010 08:13
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no idea what I am doing...................................but when I do it I drink Dos Equis!
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11-21-2010 07:42 by katt1430
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doesn't feel sorry for those that aren't empathic.
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11-21-2010 07:16
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life is better when you decide you dont care
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11-21-2010 06:17
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I got chased by someone jogging this morning, all because I yelled “Run Forrest Run!”
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11-21-2010 05:15
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There are three major types of colour blindness. They are red-green, blue-yellow and tan-orange. Unfortunately, tan-orange is the most common.
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11-21-2010 04:47
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