Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5413 of 6446

its so cold outside, that my grandmother's false teeth was chattering (and they are in a jar)
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12-13-2010 16:15
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It's been almost a year, and just for the record, you're STILL lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.

Every kiss may begin with Kay, but it ends with a high credit card bill!
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12-13-2010 15:26
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If they REALLY wanted us to have a happy period tampons would vibrate
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12-13-2010 15:22
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"Roses are reddish, Violets are Bluish. If it weren't for Christmas, We'd all be Jewish." ~ Benny Hill
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12-13-2010 13:10
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I now know what that black stuff is between elephants toenails....slow natives.
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12-13-2010 13:08 by Rob
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Ok I've had enough of this winter crap. I say we plot now to take out the groundhog. I got a shotgun.
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12-13-2010 12:32 by mari
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If Windows 7 is my idea, why the heck do I have to pay for it?
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12-13-2010 09:58 by JC
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I'm an optimist and Windows 8 will be my idea.
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12-13-2010 09:58 by JC
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All I have ever wanted is to be left alone......................in South America...............with a tribe of sex-starved Amazon women
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12-13-2010 09:33
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”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington
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12-13-2010 09:27
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you're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
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12-13-2010 09:12
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"Do they know it's christmas time at all?" Yeah they should. They made most of the presents.

Dear Santa, please let me take a look of your good girls gone bad list.
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12-13-2010 04:45 by AJ
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*WARNING* My caffeine level is dangerously LOW! Approach at your own risk! (this has been a public service announcement)
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12-13-2010 03:53
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Cheer up Prince Charles! They only vandalised your car with a bit of white paint. It's not like they deliberately chased your car into a tunnel during the night and murdered you.

When I arrive some place, I will sit in my car an just listen n wait for a favorite song to end. :D like this if you do the same!

Why cant Christmas colors be somthing other than red and green, I run so many redlights driving downtown thinking they are just Christman lights!
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12-13-2010 00:23
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I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors.
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12-13-2010 00:19
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Tonight reinforced my long standing belief: In regards to females, Single, Sane, Attractive. Pick two.
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12-13-2010 00:17
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